Nearly 6 months ago now I wrote a blog entry called Culture and Conviction. You can read it here. As my thoughts have developed slightly since that time I decided to write a culture and conviction part 2 entry, only with a different name. This is it. Actually, I haven’t learned anything new since then, only the same thing more profoundly.
The battle is hotter than ever. Perhaps you would expect me to say that an extra 6 months would have made things easier, perhaps I can speak a bit more Thai, communicate more easily and understand what’s going on around me a lot more. I actually think the opposite is true. The more I learn about this culture, the less I understand, the more uncomfortable I feel, and the more I want out. I am sure this is normal, it must get worse before it gets better, but I am convinced that the idea of ‘just be patient, it will pass’ is a cop out solution to this problem, as is the, ‘just learn to like Thai culture’ approach. So if I don’t fight these battles properly and honestly now, I will have exactly the same problems when I go back to the UK, and for the rest of my life. I must fight to value Christ more than culture. I must fight to be content in Him now, or I will never be content, in any culture.
I suppose if my theology was a bit different I could just say ‘clearly Thailand is not for me, I will go home now and do something that fits my personality more’. But it doesn’t work like that. I will go home eventually of course, and maybe I will end up doing something that fits with me better for a while, and maybe I will come back to Thailand one day, or maybe I won’t. I don’t know. All I know is that right now I am here, in Thailand. And so I am called to fight the battle to be content in Jesus in Thailand this day.
Since I wrote previously, some things have changed. I rarely miss cold weather and duvets for one thing, and the battle is less about wanting to go home. On a purely functional level I feel sufficiently enough like Thailand is home now that I am not missing things from the UK all that much. What I miss is relationships. Being able to talk to people. Being able to know how to move a conversation from the superficial to the deep. Being able to know how to read people and situations. Being able to say what I want to say and what I need to say in order to not seem disinterested, odd, impolite. Being able to make friends easily. Being able to study the Bible in depth with people. Being able… just being able. In a way it feels a bit like what it must feel to have a disability. I feel weak and lame, I feel blind and deaf and dumb. A verbal cripple. But there is great joy in that. I think of all those in the gospels who were outcasts in this way – they knew they needed one thing. Jesus. And they went to Him unashamed.
The other thing that has changed is that the stakes are higher. Much more is expected of me. Deeper levels of interaction with people and culture are required, and the deeper the interaction, the deeper the wounds I have received as parts of my sinful self have come up against certain parts of Thai culture. And as I’ve grappled with these things before God I have realised that bitterness in this is lethal. Bitterness, [also known as ‘I’ve-Had-a-Rough-Deal-and-Everything-That-Happens-To-Me-is-Rubbish-Syndrome’], must be killed or it will kill us. As I take these things to Jesus, I am finding that His comfort is more than sufficient to take away the sting of bitterness, while not necessarily removing the hurt.
And so I choose to be content in Christ, and I will not be disappointed. Content with His comfort. Content that He understands me. Content that my identity is in Him. Content that He uses even the painful things that happen so that I’m better off than if they had never happened (Romans 8:28 - “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”).
Finally, be blessed by watching this interview with my newest friend, Philippa Wilson, who is a Brit working with students in France. Especially watch out for the words quoted under the video – almost exactly what I have also been thinking and learning recently, but put much better than I could express it!
Saturday 31 October 2009
Wednesday 28 October 2009
I have a problem...
Notebooks.
I just can't get enough of them.
Let me give you some statistics. These are the notebooks I have that I can say with all honesty are in current use (simultaneously for several different purposes):
That is 16.
Then there's all my 'retired notebooks', ones which are either genuinely full or have served their purpose. That's another 7. On the opposite end of the scale are notebooks waiting to be used (i.e. waiting to become my new journal or something!) I currently have 4.
Total: 27 notebooks. (not counting notebooks I have in my possession that are waiting to become a gift for somebody else!)
I am just obsessed...it was bad when I lived in the UK, but now that I live in Thailand, surrounded by a plethora of hilarious and cheap notebooks, it is much worse! Here are 2 I bought today which i think may be some of my favourite yet in terms of hilarity! Others may feature at a later date.
Sometimes I want to write something down, but then get so stressed at having to decide which notebook it should go in, that I decide not to write it down at all. That is why I usually try make sure one of my notebooks is a 'general notebook', for the purposes of writing down miscellaneous items. Other times I have dilemmas trying to decide what kind of use a given notebook should be put to!
Oh the cost of notebook love!!
I just can't get enough of them.
Let me give you some statistics. These are the notebooks I have that I can say with all honesty are in current use (simultaneously for several different purposes):
That is 16.
Then there's all my 'retired notebooks', ones which are either genuinely full or have served their purpose. That's another 7. On the opposite end of the scale are notebooks waiting to be used (i.e. waiting to become my new journal or something!) I currently have 4.
Total: 27 notebooks. (not counting notebooks I have in my possession that are waiting to become a gift for somebody else!)
I am just obsessed...it was bad when I lived in the UK, but now that I live in Thailand, surrounded by a plethora of hilarious and cheap notebooks, it is much worse! Here are 2 I bought today which i think may be some of my favourite yet in terms of hilarity! Others may feature at a later date.
Sometimes I want to write something down, but then get so stressed at having to decide which notebook it should go in, that I decide not to write it down at all. That is why I usually try make sure one of my notebooks is a 'general notebook', for the purposes of writing down miscellaneous items. Other times I have dilemmas trying to decide what kind of use a given notebook should be put to!
Oh the cost of notebook love!!
Thursday 1 October 2009
Walking in the rain
Something amazing happened today...it drizzled...ALL DAY!!!
When I woke up and looked out the window at the grey, drizzly sky, opened the door of my balcony and breathed cool air, it felt like a welsh morning!
The reason this is amazing is that it I have never experienced it before here. Usually, if it rains it rains HARD! Like so hard that if you step outside for a moment to close your windows you get soaked through to the skin.
So drizzle was nice...it was familiar!
In celebration of this weather being so much like home (a chilly 26 degrees C!) I decided to go for a walk in the rain! I was very excited about this and even put on my rain coat (I got a bit hot...but it was worth it!)
I looked like a complete loony for 3 main reasons.
In general...
1) Thai people not walk anywhere.
2) Thai people do not go out if it is raining.
3) Thai people do not wear coats.
But I was thankful for my little rain walk and rejoiced!
When I woke up and looked out the window at the grey, drizzly sky, opened the door of my balcony and breathed cool air, it felt like a welsh morning!
The reason this is amazing is that it I have never experienced it before here. Usually, if it rains it rains HARD! Like so hard that if you step outside for a moment to close your windows you get soaked through to the skin.
So drizzle was nice...it was familiar!
In celebration of this weather being so much like home (a chilly 26 degrees C!) I decided to go for a walk in the rain! I was very excited about this and even put on my rain coat (I got a bit hot...but it was worth it!)
I looked like a complete loony for 3 main reasons.
In general...
1) Thai people not walk anywhere.
2) Thai people do not go out if it is raining.
3) Thai people do not wear coats.
But I was thankful for my little rain walk and rejoiced!
7/11 dinners
Some days I don't feel like eating rice for dinner. Some days I don't feel like eating with other people and making conversation in Thai. And those days are called '7/11 dinner days'. This is a typical 7/11 dinner, (all items purchased from 7/11 except for some fruit from the fruit stall outside the Youth House to make it seem slightly healthier!):
Lays Crisps (this is a slightly larger bag than I would typically buy) - 20 baht
Chocolate Milk - 9.75 baht
Biscuits - 12 baht
Water melon - 10 baht
Sausage and Cheese toastie - 22 baht
TOTAL: 73.75 baht
This is about twice what it would cost for a rice meal across the road followed by fruit from the fruit stall, so I try not to do it too often. Interestingly though, it also around 3 times less than what it would cost to buy a sandwich in the UK.
Lays Crisps (this is a slightly larger bag than I would typically buy) - 20 baht
Chocolate Milk - 9.75 baht
Biscuits - 12 baht
Water melon - 10 baht
Sausage and Cheese toastie - 22 baht
TOTAL: 73.75 baht
This is about twice what it would cost for a rice meal across the road followed by fruit from the fruit stall, so I try not to do it too often. Interestingly though, it also around 3 times less than what it would cost to buy a sandwich in the UK.
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