Beclouded....but beholding the light

Beautiful things

2012-01-17T18:05:00.001Z

This song is beautiful. Have a listen. And drink in the words.

'All this pain, I wonder if I'll ever find my way, I wonder if my life could really change at all?
All this earth, could all that is lost ever be found? Could a garden come up from this ground at all?

You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust,
You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us.

All around hope is springing up from this old ground, out of chaos life is being found in you.'

- Gungor, 'Beautiful Things'

There is hope. And it doesn't come from inside us. Beauty is possible in brokenness because of the Beautiful One who imparts life and hope. Grace bestowed on the undeserving!

Hard pressed...but not crushed?

2011-09-21T10:34:00.003+01:00

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)

The excitement levels were high across the board at Forum this year! There is lots to be excited about - most of all our amazing God who works in people's lives and who shines light into our dark hearts! There is the brilliant 'Uncover' project to be excited about - the challenge to read the bible with people who want to explore Christianity, a chance for them to examine the evidence and meet Jesus for themselves - http://www.uccf.org.uk/uncover/

Lots of stuff flying through everyone's heads as we come back to reality - so much to do, such a massive mission field, such a small mission-team....

It would be easy to lose heart.

I confess I HAVE lost heart too many times.

And yet to lose heart in a mission involving such an amazing God and a wonderful message is surely to miss the point!?

We are 'hard pressed on every side, but not crushed'. The truth is that this is not our mission, and it is not our message. It is God who shines the light into our hearts and opens our eyes see who He is. It is God who has already won the ultimate victory! It is good that we are weak, because that is how people see that God is strong! If we make it about us then we will be crushed. If we look to Him for strength and identity, perhaps we will still feel overwhelmed, but we will know that all is not lost. It does not all rest on us.

Overwhelmed...but on the winning side!

I still feel discouraged, because I am broken, but I am thankful that God is big enough to cope with my frail emotions. Take heart Alison.

Cardiff Cashier Kindness!

2011-08-11T22:10:00.000+01:00

The cashiers of Cardiff were on form today - at least 2 were above the average levels of friendliness!

My favourite one was in Boots, I found it quite touching!

Me: purchasing Halls Soothers.
Cashier: Looking at my purchase of choice "Sore throat?"
Me: "A little bit, yeah"
Cashier: Genuine sympathy "Aww, I hate having a sore throat, can't get rid of them!"
The purchase is made, cash exchanged etc.
Me: "Thanks, bye!"
Cashier: "Hope you feel better soon!"

How kind!!! Hooray for Cardiff cashiers!

My crazy, crazy friend Alison Williams

2011-06-23T21:23:00.003+01:00

This week we officially said goodbye to our Team Leader and friend Alison Williams. She isn't leaving quite yet...but since we got into the farewell mindset I thought I would write some reflections on here now.

Well, I say write...actually I just want to show you some photos...there are some things words can't even get close to describing!

One of my favourite things about our Team Days together is how we just laughed and laughed....and laughed....and laughed some more!

Thanks Al - we're going to miss you!!!

Thai Stationary: RE-VISITED! (part 2 - coming to join in my wonderful!)

2011-05-14T10:14:00.001+01:00

For some reason there is a whole range of milk themed stationary...here are some of my favourites in the writing-paper range:

Thai Stationary: RE-VISITED! (part 1 - Let's listen to our piano voices!)

2011-05-14T09:59:00.003+01:00

It's been a while since I shared any Thai stationary with you. I thought it was time...

Folder - 'Let's listen to our piano voices'
Pencil-case - 'Thread gently on the earth'

Writing paper - 'Pigi and Pogi: We are mini pig!'

Beauty in the Breakdown

2011-03-09T20:40:00.005Z

"So let go, let go, jump in,what you waiting for?It's alright,
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
let go, let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here.
It's alright,'cause there's beauty in the breakdown."

- Frou Frou (Imogen Heap), Let Go

For the Christian there's beauty in the breakdown.

 How else do I grow?

 To break down is to move forward. 
In my brokenness to find His strength - there is no greater privilege.

 'Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,

that to be low is to be high,

that the broken heart is the healed heart,

that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,

that to have nothing is to possess all,

that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,

that to give is to receive,

that the valley is the place of vision.'

- Valley of Vision

 Beauty in the breakdown.

2011-01-10T10:40:00.003Z

"Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free,
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design, an alignment, a cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be"

- 'Sigh no more', Mumford and Sons

Word Search

2010-11-15T22:26:00.001Z

It's been a long time since these thoughts got dressed in ink and stepped out onto the page.

It's easier inside my head; thoughts unbound by words and ink. But clarity often comes only through the hard work of forming sentences and paragraphs, committing them to the page and exposing them to the light of Scripture. Thoughts can be evasive. Left to themselves they hide in the shadows. And weariness within me whispers 'leave them there'.

But in this broken, feeble act of chasing thoughts I am brought low. Effort fails, words slip out of reach, and my head is lifted.

There is Light.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
John 1:1-5

2010-10-05T11:25:00.002+01:00

"O that all my distresses and apprehensions
might prove but Christ's school
to make me fit for greater service
by teaching me the great lesson of humility"

- Valley of Vision, 'Need of Grace'

Sausage-Cake Sandwich

2010-08-18T13:40:00.000+01:00

One might expect that after so long I would write about something a bit more profound than this...however, here it is, the Sausage Cake Sandwich:

You'll see that there are 2 options - the Custard Cake Sandwich and the Sausage Cake Sandwich. These are two of the many fine items available for purchase at 7/11 in Nakhon Sawan. Now, not wanting to be too cynical about Thai bakery items, and spurred on by Heather Simmons, I once tried this Sausage Cake Sandwich, thinking that perhaps it just had a funny name and was in fact a normal sandwich. Unfortunately, the Sausage Cake Sandwich lived up to its name and was exactly what you might imagine from the name. Sausage, and cake, made into a sandwich.

Alas.

I am happy to report, that though I do in some sense miss the wacky lunch options in Thailand, I am very much appreciating British bread, sandwiches, sandwich fillings etc now I am back in the UK! May I keep being thankful, and not forget the days when the choice of sandwich was between custard cake and sausage cake!

Depression

2010-06-05T07:58:00.001+01:00

I’m going to be quite honest. This may or may not be the right place for it. But I think it’s important so I’m going to risk it.

I struggle with depression.

The reason I want to make this public knowledge is this: almost every time I am honest with someone about this, I discover that they struggle with the same things. Not just 1 person, not just 2, not even just 10. Everywhere I go. All kinds of people. And people are sometimes surprised that I am honest about it. Because people often aren’t.

I don’t want Christians to be afraid of depression. It is NOT incompatible with Christian joy – let’s just blow that one out of the water right away! I don’t think I have ever learned so much about joy as I have through depression. And I know this isn’t just my story, but the story of countless others. Joy forged in the fires of depression is real and lasting.

And it is NOT something to be ashamed of. It’s a no-brainer! As broken, fallen human beings our bodies are frail, our minds are frail, our emotions are frail. So depression shouldn’t be a surprise to us any more than a cold is!

So why are we afraid to be open about it?

Let me be honest with you. There will be people who don’t understand. There will always be people who see depression as a disqualifying weakness, who judge you for it, who think that you must be doing something wrong if you feel like this. It will hurt. And then (if you’re like me!) you will judge them for their lack of understanding…. A vicious circle of bitterness that can only be broken in the wells of forgiveness that are at the heart of the Christian gospel.

Somewhere in the midst of this, honesty is not only appropriate, but I think crucial. Even in the face of misunderstanding and risk of rejection, and disappointment with our own sin, we are called to be honest with God, ourselves and others about our depression.

There are 3 main reasons why I think this:

For the sake of God’s glory

We want people to see that we are weak but that God is great! The price of being misunderstood is worth nothing to us if this is our greatest aim and desire. We don’t want people to think that we are ‘sorted’; we want people to see that God is working in ordinary, broken people! The gospel is about Him, not us! (2 Corinthians 4:7)

For the sake of thirsting for God

We must resist the temptation to appear spiritual by never allowing ourselves to feel what we feel. On the contrary, I must let myself feel deeply, and only then will I cry out to God to ‘lead me to the Rock that is higher than I’ (Psalm 61) “The Longings of our heart must be faced. The disappointment of our soul must be experienced. Only then will we learn to pant after God in eager expectation of His coming, when every desire will be forever satisfied.” Dr. Larry Crabb

For the sake of helping others

It’s not just about us and God. We are part of a community. Covering up our struggles is not loving to those around us. It does not model authenticity.

On the other hand, if we are honest about our struggles there may be opportunities to help others as we have been helped. Perhaps honesty breeds honesty. Perhaps it needs to start with us. And perhaps then we can say with Paul:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

Honesty isn’t where it ends…it has to be balanced with gospel truth. This balance is what Tim Keller calls the ‘gospel 3^rd way’ and is what we see in the Psalms all the time. It is the balance between the 2 extremes of the ‘religious way’ (uncomfortable with feelings; deny and suppress) and the ‘secular way’ (acknowledge, express and follow). The gospel 3^rd way is to pray our feelings, bring them before God and process them. [You can download Tim Keller’s excellent talk, praying your tears, HERE]

I do not have the monopoly on depression, or on fighting it. And I don’t want to reduce this topic to a blog post – it is much more complex than that, there is more to say! But I do want to start the wheels of honesty turning. And I want you to know that if you struggle with depression, you are not alone.

Beclouded

2010-05-30T12:51:00.004+01:00

Clouds are not permanent residents of the sky. Some move across the sky with visible speed, others seem to crawl or even not move at all...but always the wind is driving them, all that differs is the pace. Some day they give way to blue skies and golden sunshine.

Rainy season has arrived in Thailand. My heart too seems to be heavy with clouds, dark and ripe for rain. But watching the black clouds move steadily across the evening sky the other night my heart was filled with hope.

These clouds too will pass.

A walk down my street...

2010-05-24T08:36:00.002+01:00

Continuing my theme of transition from life in Thailand to life back at home, I thought I would take a walk down my street today and take photos of the people/things that have become part of my daily life here in Thailand and that I am thankful for/will miss!

Lets go on a virtual tour of my 'soi' (street)!

This is the Youth House, where I live and work! On the left is my/our bike, to the right is P'Nok who lives at the YH and sells food out the front!

P'Nok making yummy food!!!!

This is the shop where we buy drinking water - that's what those big white bottles are! It is also my emergency 'milk for tea' stop if I run out of fresh milk!

A little bit further down the road you will meet this great little stall where you can buy a chicken an rice meal ('khao man gai') for 20 baht. If you get it to take-away it comes wrapped up in a paper package, like the Thai equivalent of fish and chips! The man who makes/sells it is really friendly, and I call him 'Khao-man-gai Man!' (Original!)

This is the bucket I walk past every day that is always overflowing with an unknown supply of water dripping from above! I only notice it because every time i walk past it my feet get a bit wet.

A bit further down you get to 7/11 - convenience store of all convenience stores! Not only can you buy microwave meals here, they microwave them for you! Not only can you buy sandwiches...they toast them for you while you wait! Not only can you buy packets of coffee....there is even an area of the store to add hot water and make it yourself!

After a quick stop in 7/11 (known as 'seven' by the locals!) to buy a chocolate milk, we come to the section of the street that I like to call the 'buzzing wires' part! This is because (you've guessed it...) these electrical wires that hang down continually make an alarming buzzing sound, so that when I walk past them I always instinctively find myself veering to the right to avoid them in-case I should walk into them!!

This is just a whistle-stop tour of the street I live in and the things I pass as I walk/cycle down it! These things have become so familiar to me, and I will miss them!

More crazy stationary

2010-05-24T07:36:00.000+01:00

You just can't get stationary of this quality in the UK....

Note to self (2): things to appreciate about Thailand in the next month and a half before i leave...

2010-05-10T16:31:00.001+01:00

wonderful Thai friends
the fact that it's almost always possible to get somewhere door to door by public transport! (and cool public transport at that!)
'Bum-sprays' (see HERE for a very important read about Thailand's alternative to loo roll - I'm just not sure how I'm ever going to feel clean again without one...!)
being able to go outside in the dark and not feel cold AT ALL!
the pace of life in Thailand and general laid-back-ness to everything!
never having to cook! In particular I am going to miss MSG restaurant.
being allowed to fit as many people as possible in a car (esp. pick-up trucks!)
geckos
singing in Thai
availability of hilarious stationary - for example here and here and this:

Thai Cultural Lessons #7 [Eating Out]

2010-05-10T13:02:00.005+01:00

In Thailand eating out is the norm - hard to imagine in western culture where you only eat out on special occasions! This is because it is (a) cheaper to eat out and (b) easier to eat out.

I never need to cook a meal, EVER in Thailand. I could buy 3 meals a day at restaurants in my street and it would cost me in total no more than 60 baht (around 1 pound!).

So let me introduce you to two of my very own favourite locals.

Introducing...Sneezing Restaurant:

Features of sneezing restaurant:

you are guaranteed to sneeze every time you go there, due to peppery things that are being cooked (presumably!?)
when you put cold drinks in the plastic cups you get what I like to call the 'phenomenon of the dry-ice smoke-cup effect' (catchy!)
when the restaurant is closed the tin roof folds down to become a door!

Introducing...MSG Restaurant:

Features of MSG Restaurant:

The extreme amounts of MSG in the food make it very yummy!
the lady who makes the food (called 'MSG lady') is very friendly.
I do not have to order - I just go in and sit down, and MSG lady sees me and says 'your usual?' and starts getting it for me!
Me and my Chinese housemates call this our 'second home' - going there is like walking into our own home!
It is totally acceptable (in fact normal!) to just take your own plate over and get her to fill it up, then take it back home (just across the road) to eat! I LOVE that feature!

When Caroline was here (OMF colleague, now in UK on Home Assignment) we would usually take it in turns to go to sneezing restaurant (her fave) and MSG restaurant (my fave!) on alternate days. Despite the unfortunate sneezing side affect, I do agree that sneezing restaurant is probably better (meaning healthier), but MSG restaurant is just so yummy and friendly! I love it. I will miss it.

Note to self: remember to appreciate these things (for more than a day!) when I get back to the UK...

2010-05-08T09:42:00.001+01:00

friends and family
being able to go through a whole day without sweating
being able to understand more than 70% of what people say to me
being able to read without the pages of the book being blown around by a fan
bread for sandwiches which isn't sweet!
church in English
carpets and socks
being able to walk places
recognising most of the foods that I see in the supermarket
baths

Happy New Year...(again!)

2010-04-15T10:16:00.001+01:00

We've had the Western New Year and Chinese Year...now it's time for Thai New Year - Songkran!

This is one of the most interesting festivals in Thailand for foreigners, aside from all the deeper meaning (which is pretty much, as Christmas in the UK, hidden beneath the commercial and social aspect of the festival these days).

During these 3 days, you basically have 3 options:

1) Set up camp at the side of the road with a hose, water pistols or big tank of water (or all 3!) and throw water at passers by. Buy and mix up some lovely greyish paste to plaster on people's faces as they walk past (a sign of blessing...)

2) Get together with your mates and spend the days driving round in a pick up truck, with a big tank of water and water pistols and soak unsuspecting people on the roads, pedestrians, people on motorbikes etc.

3) Pretend the festival is not happening and try to get on with normal life without getting wet.

Last year I went out and played - and it was fun! This year however, I thought I would go for the the third option and try to avoid getting wet....it didn't work. This is what happened when Heather and I 'popped out' to find some food at lunchtime:

Reason to rejoice with ALL your heart!

2010-03-29T05:25:00.003+01:00

'Sing, O Daughter of Zion;

shout aloud, O Israel!

Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,

O Daughter of Jerusalem!

The LORD has taken away your punishment,

he has turned back your enemy.

The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;

never again will you fear any harm.'

Zephaniah 3:14-15

I read Zephaniah recently and was just blown away by the grace and mercy that spill out of its pages. It is a story of Judah's rebellion and deserved judgment. Of Jerusalem's mess and corruption and God's just anger against them. And yet it doesn't end like that. Because much more importantly, it is about God. It is about a merciful God who does not treat us as our sins deserve. It is about a God who delights to save and who is mighty to save. And so even though things looked bleak for God's people at the beginning of Zephaniah, we see that God Himself provided the way for them to be saved: 'The Lord has taken away your punishment' (3:15)

The best thing about this book, is the way that it points forward to Jesus. In fact Jesus shines out of every chapter and floods the whole book with glorious hope and joy. There WILL be a day of judgment - and it is what we deserve, Zephaniah makes this plain, but on that day, if we are in Jesus, who is our righteousness,we will be sheltered from the LORD's just anger (2:3). Let us now make sure we are seeking Jesus and His righteousness, for this is all this is all that will matter on that day.

'The LORD has taken away your punishment' (3:15) - shadows that were received joyfully by God's people in the Old Testament give way to the reality as Jesus gloriously secured this for eternity. When Jesus took the judgment we deserve for our sin on Himself on the cross, sinless as He was, the LORD took away our punishment. If we trust in Jesus, if we are in Him, sheltering in Him, then our punishment has been taken away. And so the promise applies to us:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (3:17)

And so, because we have such security in our forgiveness and acceptance from God, security that rests not on us or anything we have done or even how secure we feel, but in all that Jesus has done on our behalf - we have great reason to rejoice! And we can rejoice with ALL our heart (3:14) because our greatest problem is dealt with for all time, because this can never be taken away from us. Whatever else is happening in our lives, we can rejoice with ALL our hearts because our punishment has been taken away and God delights in us. And this is something that will never change.

' Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,

O Daughter of Jerusalem!

The LORD has taken away your punishment' (3:14-15)

"I have a shelter in the storm

When all my sins accuse me

Though justice charges me with guilt

Your grace will not refuse me

O Jesus, I will hide in You

Who bore my condemnation

I find my refuge in Your wounds

For there I find salvation"
('I Have a Shelter' - Sovereign Grace Music)

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”-

2 Corinthians 5:21

The year of.....

2010-02-13T13:20:00.002Z

So things have been a bit quiet from my end recently...but that doesn't mean my thoughts have been quiet! Just that somewhere between my mind and my fingertips those thoughts have got lost or muddled. I am starting this post not entirely sure what I will write. And as I am starting to write a whole load of things are coming to my mind, so this could be the opening of the blogging flood-gates - the start of a blogging frenzy?

But anyway, as tomorrow is the beginning of the Chinese new year, and i have some thoughts I have been meaning to post something since our new year, i thought this might be the most appropriate opportunity to write about 'year naming'. This is an idea that came from Ann Voskamp, who likes to name her year before it begins. To set the scene, here is part of a conversation I had on skype with my friend Sophie a while back:

[11/01/2010 19:10:08] Alison Young: so, you know Ann has made this her year of YES! Have you named your year?
[11/01/2010 19:10:55] Sophie: ironically no!
[11/01/2010 19:11:00] Sophie: I like the idea tho.
[11/01/2010 19:11:20] Alison Young: me too....but i sort of think its easier to name something after its happened..
[11/01/2010 19:11:44] Sophie: yes i know what you mean. i don't feel very prophetic!
[11/01/2010 19:12:34] Sophie: i suppose it's just the same idea as a resolution because it means you set out to have a certain approach to stuff and that's good - well, depending on the name!
[11/01/2010 19:13:06] Alison Young: yeah....you'd have to be more of a positive thinker than me i think.
[11/01/2010 19:12:52] Sophie: what would you name your last year?

So I decided that 2009 could be called the year of hope. There were lots of reasons for this, but top on the list was the fact that 2009 saw me becoming more and more convinced of the wonderful and certain hope of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Hope that has nothing to do with how I feel or how circumstances look. Hope that says that I am in Jesus Christ and brought into the glorious community of the Happy Trinity. Hope that tells me that all my righteousness and salvation is in Jesus, and so couldn't be more secure! 2009 - the Year of HOPE!

And that led me to thinking about this verse from Romans 12, verse 12:

'Be joyful in hope...'

So if 2009 was the year of hope, then 2010 can be the year of joy. Not because I 'have a feeling I will be in a good mood for 365 days', but because if I have hope then joy is possible in all circumstances. If I feel I have nothing else to be joyful in, I still have hope. And it is not a momentary hope, that changes with my feelings, but a sure and certain hope, that depends only on Jesus and not at all on me.

2010 - the Year of JOY

"By faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope" Galatians 5:5

The Valley of Vision

2010-01-12T04:57:00.000Z

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley.

- Valley of Vision, Puritan Prayers

Waiting for that day...

2010-01-07T10:40:00.032Z

"There is no escape from an aching soul, only denial of it. The promise of one day being with Jesus in a perfect world is the Christian's only hope for complete relief. Until then we either groan, or pretend we don't"
Larry Crabb, Inside Out.

In some ways I would love for this to not be true. I would love to be able to say that perfect joy is available now, that aches can be removed, that frustrations can be alleviated fully; that we can trust perfectly, love completely and await our Saviour with dry eyes. I wish we could promise a pain-free existence in this life with perfect relationships and no disappointments. But the truth is, some things are reserved for a day that hasn't arrived yet.

There are lots of things that are meant for today - forgiveness, justification and union with the Lord Jesus to name but a few. But we live in a twilight zone where God's promises are real but not all of them consummated, and some only partly realised but not fully. And so that's why we groan, aching for the day when promises become reality. The day when groaning gives way to shouts of joy.

Until that day we ache and hurt, and it is messy. But He who is eternally faithful has promised the better day, the day when tears will be wiped away, the day when our thirst will be truly quenched, the day when joy will be the very air that we breathe. So we can wait in confidence and hope, and we are free to acknowledge that an aching soul is the norm; it is part of this present age. The ache is there because we were made for more - and the 'more' is coming! So there is much joy, be it through tears.

²²We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? ²⁵But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

²⁶In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.

Romans 8:22-27

Christmas Hymn

2009-12-25T16:15:00.000Z

Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour,
All for love's sake becamest poor;
Thrones for a manger didst surrender,
Sapphire-paved courts for stable floor.
Thou who wast rich beyond all splendour,
All for love's sake becomes poor.

Thou who art God beyond all praising,
All for love's sake becamest man;
Stooping so low, but sinners raising
Heavenwards by thine eternal plan.
Thou who art God beyond all praising,
All for love's sake becamest man.

Thou who art love beyond all telling,

Saviour and King, we worship thee.
Emmanuel, within us dwelling,
Make us what thou wouldst have us be.
Thou who art love beyond all telling,
Saviour and King, we worship thee.

- Frank Houghton (1894-1972)

OCD??

2009-11-30T03:13:00.000Z

Notice anything about the picture below?

This is what I found myself doing the other day - co-ordinating the coat-hangers with the colour of the shirts!!
Oh dear!!!!

Still...you have to admit it's pretty...

Trinity and Ultimate Harmony [And what's 'diapason'??]

2009-11-24T16:10:00.004Z

'From harmony, from heavenly harmony,

This universal frame began:

From harmony to harmony
Through all the compass of the notes it ran,
The diapason closing full in Man.'

- John Dryden (1687), put to music in Handel's Ode to St. Celia's Day.

So, I have been listening to Handel. For this I completely 100% blame Mike Reeves. If you are not familiar with this fellow, check out some of his stuff on the Theology Network website.

I have been listening to his series of talks on the Trinity this week - the best food my mind and soul have had for a long long while. It was like the theological equivalent of having a good beef roast dinner, (with yorkshire puddings, crispy roast potatoes and all the kinds of veg you can imagine!), followed by some kind of chocolate gateaux. Bearing in mind I am in the land of rice meals 3 times a day, imagine how EXTRA special [theologically!] this means!! Please immediately download these talks from the Theology Network site, you won't be disappointed.

Anyway, there were many, many applications and observations that he brought out from the fact that we have a Triune God, not least the fact that we are made to be in community (and thus helping me to see difficult interactions I have had to have with people this week as an opportunity to celebrate the Trinity!). There's lots I am still processing and thinking through, but the subject of this post is something Mike said almost as an aside at the end of the 3rd talk, about the Trinity giving us the pattern for harmony.

'If there's only one ultimate reality there's no conception of ultimate harmony and so harmony isn't an intrinsically good thing, and therefore you don't have it!' he says. Trinitarian Christianity on the other hand, he points out, has always had a 'love affair' with music.

It was to highlight and celebrate this that Mike played a clip of Handel's 'Ode to St. Cecilia's Day' in his talk!

[I had to look up the word 'diapason' though as that one was not in my vocabulary! Here is what I found:]

di⋅a⋅pa⋅son [dahy-uh-pey-zuhn]:
noun, Music. a full, rich outpouring of melodious sound

Isn't that wonderful!? The words drip Trinitarian theology, such as was recovered in the reformation; the theology which would be the fuel for the fires of such joyful, harmonious musical expression as Handel brought to them. Harmony of three persons, spilling over into words and music.

In contrast to this, the music scratched out on the dry, dusty parchments of the pre-reformation era, were as monotone as the remote, philosophical monadic divine-entity that their thinking venerated. When you replace the true, Trinitarian God of the Bible with this empty, vague concept of God being some sort of a 'divine essence', it is not surprising that music loses its harmony. To give us an idea of the kind of music he was referring to, Mike challenged us to put on a Gregorian chant....and dance to it!!

Lets read John Dryden's words again, and taste their Trinitarian flavour!

'From harmony, from heavenly harmony,

This universal frame began:

From harmony to harmony
Through all the compass of the notes it ran,
The diapason closing full in Man.'

'We worship a God who is a harmony of three persons' - Mike Reeves

And so it is that I bought my first ever piece of classical music - in celebration of Trinitarian harmony!

Thai Cultural Lessons #6 [Toilets]

2009-11-19T08:20:00.004Z

Anyone who’s known me for a while might know of my slightly odd fascination with toilets. You may or may not know that I have a folder of photos on my computer (and indeed facebook) entitled ‘toilets’, mainly collected during my time doing Relay in Cardiff. Each one has a story!

Well, it turns out that Thailand also has toilets, with some added fun extra bits! So I thought I would tell you about them!

First there is the implement called the ‘bum-spray’. Traditionally Thai people use this to wash themselves after using the toilet and then use toilet paper to dry themselves. The toilet paper then goes in the bin, not the toilet, to avoid blockage. This routine is an all round much more hygienic option! (Note: the toilet paper can also be missed out all together – a wetter, but quicker option!)

Here is a picture of my very own ‘bum-spray’ in my bathroom:

Now, I decided a long time ago to full on go for the bum-spray option, leaving the days of toilet paper behind. I was happy with this arrangement until the day I broke my first bum-spray. In the year I have lived in this house I have broken 2 bum-sprays and the one in the picture is on its way out after I dropped it on the floor recently. It now drips continually. After so many breakage incidents I have learned to keep a spare one, that’s what this is, soon to be ‘bum-spray the 4^th’! (Note how they call it a 'hand-spray' - this is more polite, but less accurate than my name for it!)

Actually, my kind housemate, knowing my tendency to break bum-sprays, bought me this one as a gift before going away, incase it exploded when she was away.

In my defence, they are easy to break. The way they work is this: there is always water being pumped into them through the pipe. When you press the handle the water is released as a jet. So if the plastic wears out or breaks then water basically explodes out of it everywhere and the whole thing needs to be replaced! Quite dramatic!

The second cool toilet related thing I want to share is this special happy toilet powder:

Unfortunately, despite my best attempts to avoid blockages by not using toilet paper, my toilet blocked the other day. No other toilet in the building blocked (we have 7!). So I figured the problem was my toilet and tried the special powder.

Despite its cool (and very cute) pictures of before and after toilets, it didn’t work. I will spare you from the details of how this meant I ended up having to put my hand into the toilet. Which turned out to be the start of a pattern – since I had to reach in there again yesterday to rescue my phone.

Anyway, the toilet problem was solved by getting some men to come and empty our sceptic tank, which was apparently full. This was not nearly as exciting or gross as I was expecting, so I will spare you the photos!

Incidentally, it is possible to have a theology of toilet use. Mike Reeves talks about how flushing things away can be a cause to celebrate God’s victory over false gods! ‘Shout a little Halleluiah on the loo!’ He exhorts.

Life to a sound-track

2009-11-10T11:44:00.000Z

Sometimes I live my life to a soundtrack. Perhaps just for a few brief moments or minutes, but it feels like longer. In those moments I see things through the lens of a camera, and yet they somehow seem more real, more alive than ever. Reel after reel of moving pictures. I get on the bus. I take a seat. I glance around. Take everything in. My eyes are camera lenses. My ears are headphones. Words and melodies filling my head so that I feel like everything is swimming in the music. And then I am part of the film reel, swept along in the meaning and mystery as it unravels to a soundtrack. The music drives the reel, spilling its rich, honest light over the scene, showing up every detail. It’s not true of course that everything has more meaning in those moments; it’s just that I feel it more keenly. I see things. I look for things, my eyes peeled for every flicker.

The way the evening light rests on a face opposite me, highlighting regrets and lost thoughts, a clenched jaw; the way the old man drops a handful of coins on the floor and stoops jerkily to pick them up, the flicker of gratitude in his eyes mixed with sadness as a small girl swoops to help him – sadness, perhaps, because his movements are slower than what they once were, a sadness that she, in her youth, doesn’t pick up on as they meet eyes; The way the young couple next to me seem to be putting on a new layer of chain-mail with each exchange, eyes glazed and steely towards one another, talking but not really talking; My hand, poised to pull the cord and sound the buzzer when the time is right, watching as the familiar scenery tumbles away behind us in a blur of faded colours and golden light; The way that my own body moves through the evening air as if through water as I step down from the bus, which is still coming to a stop, hand gripping the rails, but with the confidence of familiarity; The glint of sun on metal as money slides into the dark, calloused hand of the driver.

All these things, every little flicker of light, of expression, every breath, ache and movement, every detail comes alive, moving to the music in my ears. Pointing me to the bigger reality, the heartbeat of the details. The rhythm we are out of sync with so often. The need for Jesus in every detail. The Jesus through whom every detail was made. The Jesus through whom every detail finds its meaning.

The sharpness of the details in those moments cuts through the dull ache of the emptiness, the rejection of Him all around, and screams fuzzy memory into sharp focus; the Jesus we forget in the details.

Christ, Culture and Contentment

2009-10-31T11:48:00.002Z

Nearly 6 months ago now I wrote a blog entry called Culture and Conviction. You can read it here. As my thoughts have developed slightly since that time I decided to write a culture and conviction part 2 entry, only with a different name. This is it. Actually, I haven’t learned anything new since then, only the same thing more profoundly.

The battle is hotter than ever. Perhaps you would expect me to say that an extra 6 months would have made things easier, perhaps I can speak a bit more Thai, communicate more easily and understand what’s going on around me a lot more. I actually think the opposite is true. The more I learn about this culture, the less I understand, the more uncomfortable I feel, and the more I want out. I am sure this is normal, it must get worse before it gets better, but I am convinced that the idea of ‘just be patient, it will pass’ is a cop out solution to this problem, as is the, ‘just learn to like Thai culture’ approach. So if I don’t fight these battles properly and honestly now, I will have exactly the same problems when I go back to the UK, and for the rest of my life. I must fight to value Christ more than culture. I must fight to be content in Him now, or I will never be content, in any culture.

I suppose if my theology was a bit different I could just say ‘clearly Thailand is not for me, I will go home now and do something that fits my personality more’. But it doesn’t work like that. I will go home eventually of course, and maybe I will end up doing something that fits with me better for a while, and maybe I will come back to Thailand one day, or maybe I won’t. I don’t know. All I know is that right now I am here, in Thailand. And so I am called to fight the battle to be content in Jesus in Thailand this day.

Since I wrote previously, some things have changed. I rarely miss cold weather and duvets for one thing, and the battle is less about wanting to go home. On a purely functional level I feel sufficiently enough like Thailand is home now that I am not missing things from the UK all that much. What I miss is relationships. Being able to talk to people. Being able to know how to move a conversation from the superficial to the deep. Being able to know how to read people and situations. Being able to say what I want to say and what I need to say in order to not seem disinterested, odd, impolite. Being able to make friends easily. Being able to study the Bible in depth with people. Being able… just being able. In a way it feels a bit like what it must feel to have a disability. I feel weak and lame, I feel blind and deaf and dumb. A verbal cripple. But there is great joy in that. I think of all those in the gospels who were outcasts in this way – they knew they needed one thing. Jesus. And they went to Him unashamed.

The other thing that has changed is that the stakes are higher. Much more is expected of me. Deeper levels of interaction with people and culture are required, and the deeper the interaction, the deeper the wounds I have received as parts of my sinful self have come up against certain parts of Thai culture. And as I’ve grappled with these things before God I have realised that bitterness in this is lethal. Bitterness, [also known as ‘I’ve-Had-a-Rough-Deal-and-Everything-That-Happens-To-Me-is-Rubbish-Syndrome’], must be killed or it will kill us. As I take these things to Jesus, I am finding that His comfort is more than sufficient to take away the sting of bitterness, while not necessarily removing the hurt.

And so I choose to be content in Christ, and I will not be disappointed. Content with His comfort. Content that He understands me. Content that my identity is in Him. Content that He uses even the painful things that happen so that I’m better off than if they had never happened (Romans 8:28 - “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”).

Finally, be blessed by watching this interview with my newest friend, Philippa Wilson, who is a Brit working with students in France. Especially watch out for the words quoted under the video – almost exactly what I have also been thinking and learning recently, but put much better than I could express it!

I have a problem...

2009-10-28T09:48:00.008Z

Notebooks.

I just can't get enough of them.

Let me give you some statistics. These are the notebooks I have that I can say with all honesty are in current use (simultaneously for several different purposes):

That is 16.

Then there's all my 'retired notebooks', ones which are either genuinely full or have served their purpose. That's another 7. On the opposite end of the scale are notebooks waiting to be used (i.e. waiting to become my new journal or something!) I currently have 4.

Total: 27 notebooks. (not counting notebooks I have in my possession that are waiting to become a gift for somebody else!)

I am just obsessed...it was bad when I lived in the UK, but now that I live in Thailand, surrounded by a plethora of hilarious and cheap notebooks, it is much worse! Here are 2 I bought today which i think may be some of my favourite yet in terms of hilarity! Others may feature at a later date.

Sometimes I want to write something down, but then get so stressed at having to decide which notebook it should go in, that I decide not to write it down at all. That is why I usually try make sure one of my notebooks is a 'general notebook', for the purposes of writing down miscellaneous items. Other times I have dilemmas trying to decide what kind of use a given notebook should be put to!

Oh the cost of notebook love!!

Walking in the rain

2009-10-01T13:22:00.004+01:00

Something amazing happened today...it drizzled...ALL DAY!!!

When I woke up and looked out the window at the grey, drizzly sky, opened the door of my balcony and breathed cool air, it felt like a welsh morning!

The reason this is amazing is that it I have never experienced it before here. Usually, if it rains it rains HARD! Like so hard that if you step outside for a moment to close your windows you get soaked through to the skin.

So drizzle was nice...it was familiar!

In celebration of this weather being so much like home (a chilly 26 degrees C!) I decided to go for a walk in the rain! I was very excited about this and even put on my rain coat (I got a bit hot...but it was worth it!)

I looked like a complete loony for 3 main reasons.

In general...
1) Thai people not walk anywhere.
2) Thai people do not go out if it is raining.
3) Thai people do not wear coats.

But I was thankful for my little rain walk and rejoiced!

7/11 dinners

2009-10-01T05:01:00.004+01:00

Some days I don't feel like eating rice for dinner. Some days I don't feel like eating with other people and making conversation in Thai. And those days are called '7/11 dinner days'. This is a typical 7/11 dinner, (all items purchased from 7/11 except for some fruit from the fruit stall outside the Youth House to make it seem slightly healthier!):

Lays Crisps (this is a slightly larger bag than I would typically buy) - 20 baht
Chocolate Milk - 9.75 baht
Biscuits - 12 baht
Water melon - 10 baht
Sausage and Cheese toastie - 22 baht
TOTAL: 73.75 baht

This is about twice what it would cost for a rice meal across the road followed by fruit from the fruit stall, so I try not to do it too often. Interestingly though, it also around 3 times less than what it would cost to buy a sandwich in the UK.

Thai Cultural Lessons #6 [Cinema]

2009-09-30T06:55:00.007+01:00

The first time I went to the cinema in Thailand, I was just trying to get comfy, trying to sit in the position that would bring me the most warmth (the Thai cinema is also known as 'the fridge'), and preparing myself for 2+ hours of a Thai dubbed X-men film, when suddenly the screen went yellow and everyone stood up! I dutifully stood up also, and soon realised that what was playing on the screen was the King's anthem, with pictures and video clip tributes to the king! The video features people in different eras, social classes, settings and situations, all looking to the picture of the King for strength. As soon as the anthem finishes everybody sits down. This happens before the showing of every film in a cinema in Thailand. The song is very beautiful and I now look forward to hearing it when I go to the cinema!! But I now know not to get comfortable until AFTER the King's anthem has played!

Balcony

2009-09-03T15:14:00.009+01:00

It's too hot to linger there for most of the day. But in the hours that frame the day, as the sun starts her slow but sure climb onto the main-stage, and then again when the performance is over, and, all sung-out, she slips quickly and quietly back-stage, that's when I step outside and watch, listen, read and whisper small, broken words of response.

Tonight: Ecclesiastes. Ears drink in audio, while eyes follow text, breathing ink.

Weak and glad!!!!

2009-08-29T16:28:00.003+01:00

"When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."
1 Corinthians 2:1-5

Being bad at the language you have to use all the time has one advantage - it's not so easy to get proud! When I try to explain things clumsily in Thai, full of mistakes, full of fear and lacking any kind of eloquence it's like there is a big flashing sign on my head saying 'WEAK'.

This can be uncomfortable.

But, today it hit me - if I am weak there is much joy and freedom to be had!!

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Wow!!! Do I delight in weakness? Only if I have the right perspective - that it is Jesus who is the focus, not me! If I really want people to see that it is God who has the power then I need to be willing to be weak, and not only willing, but JOYFUL, joyful that God will get the glory. So while I do hope that my Thai skills will improve and I will be able to explain things properly one day, I rejoice that my weakness in this area at the moment enables me to remember that it is Jesus who is strong, not me!

So I hope the big flashing sign on my head doesn't just say WEAK, but:

'WEAK AND GLAD'

May God be glorified in all my weakness.

The Storm (pictures and words)

2009-08-18T16:23:00.003+01:00

Last night we had a storm. It started around 7pm. The Youth House was full of people as usual. The wind and rain were so strong that power cables blew down in front of the Youth House (with a big bang and impressive explosive power!).
Plunged into darkness. Scrambling around looking for candles. P’Daaw was away, but, organised as ever, was able to tell us quickly where we could find the candles. We all felt very small huddled around candles in the Youth House with the storm raging outside and no electricity inside or out. Panicked people were all around. But if you were there you would have found it hard to forget that God was bigger than the storm, bigger than our fears. All night songs rang out from the Youth House, of God’s love, of His power, of thankfulness to Him, of His wonderful mercy that falls on us like rain. I am grateful to Best, who didn’t put that guitar down for hours, who kept playing, kept singing, even though all was chaos around.

And I am thankful that we worship a God who is bigger than storms and power-cuts and panicked students. I am grateful too for the opportunity I had to sit and read God’s word with a student for most of the evening, songs of praise to God ringing in our ears, reading by candlelight, in 3 different languages, she in Chinese, me in English and both of us in Thai, using Thai to discuss what we understood. God’s Word: a rock in a world of flux.

Last night was an unexpected but truly amazing evening.

I felt like I caught a glimpse last night of what it means for us to be a light to those around us. May the Youth House truly be a light in this dark neighbourhood.

On a more humourous note, one of the highlights of the evening for me was when the storm had passed over but the electricity was still out, and Best decided to go and make a cup of tea.
Best: (merrily filling the kettle)
AJ: Best, how are you going to use that?
Best: huh?
AJ: how do you think you are going to make tea using that!?
Best: (looks blank)
AJ: We have no electricity!!
Best: D'oh!!

Here is how he ended up making the tea (note the ladle!! I love the ladle!!):

Thai Cultural Lessons #5 [Sweet or Savoury?]

2009-08-17T06:09:00.005+01:00

These tiny biscuits that you get with a cup of tea or coffee in most coffee shops in Thailand are a perfect example of the great 'sweet or savoury paradox'. This is a sensation one often gets in Thailand after eating any given food. At first you ask yourself every time - is this sweet? Or is it savoury??

And eventually you stop asking yourself that question because it happens every day. It took me ages to work it out with these coffee-biscuits...but now I have just accepted it. They are both sweet and savoury at the same time.

It sort of reminds me a little bit of the whole 'God's sovereignty and our free will' paradox...but slightly different...

Only in Thailand...

2009-07-22T03:01:00.001+01:00

...is somebody more shocked that 'Banana' is a girl's name, than that it is a name at all!!

What am I beholding?

2009-07-16T15:26:00.005+01:00

I was pleased to get this shot of young novice monks gazing out the window of the observatory tower, their eyes falling upon the local temple, in all its glittery array. I just wished I had my proper camera with me instead of just my phone, to get a better picture, I was only thinking about what would make a good photo...a snapshot of Thai life.

But looking at it again now it drives my thoughts deeper than artistic questions of lighting and composition. I am forced to challenge myself about what I am gazing on. This is something I seem to have to go back to over and over again.

When I start to gaze on the glittery man-made things in this life, or the black clouds that gather, or my fragile, broken self, instead of lifting my eyes up to the all glorious, majestic, wonderful, mighty God, I am no different to those novice-monks in the picture - looking to things that have no power to save. And I know when I have slipped into that pattern because the joy goes. I eat and am not satisfied, I drink and am still thirsty. I choose to drink from broken cisterns instead of the living water from God that wells up to eternal life. My eyes become glazed and I sit in darkness, drowsy and empty. I talk often about the battle to 'behold the light'. Jesus is THE Light. If I am not looking at Him where am I looking?

May I have ever increasing desire, discipline, conviction and capacity to behold the Almighty LORD of the heavens and the earth. Over all rulers and powers and authorities. May I keep doing so until that day when with the multitude, I will fall before His throne and cry:

"Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!" - Revelation 7:12

Thai Cultural Lessons #4 [Milk and Oil - unrelated to each other!]

2009-07-09T10:13:00.003+01:00

Something which I am thankful for is that these days you can buy 'real' milk for your tea in Thailand. Something which makes me smile every time I buy it in 7/11 is that they give you a straw with your milk! Clearly adding milk to tea hasn't made it into Thai culture.

On a different note, this is the oil aisle in Big C:

Slightly more oil than you would find in an average Tesco in the UK!!

So many different types!

Thai Cultural Lessons #3 [Song Thaews - part 2]!!

2009-07-04T11:13:00.006+01:00

So, I already wrote about my favourite form of transport - the Song Thaew here.

I think song thaew drivers like to try and personalise their vehicles - hence I have recently seen some interesting 'buzzer pulling things' (things that you pull to sound a buzzer and indicate you want to get off!)

Monkey!

Knitted smiley people!

Knitted smiley people with monks!

Something else interesting about Song Thaews is that if you're a student or a school kid the price is cheaper...but only if you look neat enough! If you look too scuffy you have to pay 10 baht like the grown ups!

Brown...the new black?

2009-06-25T16:16:00.005+01:00

So, a friend said to me the other day:

'I have noticed you like to wear a lot of dark colours'

Today I realised what she meant!

I just finished ironing and folding clothes and was starting think about packing to go away on a conference tomorrow when I noticed a distinct theme in my clothing...it is mostly brown! I will have to think carefully about the clothes I take away...if I get the balance slightly wrong I may end up wearing brown trousers and a brown t-shirt on the same day!

And to think that when I was a child brown was my most hated colour and the colour I was certain I would NEVER wear! So fickle...

Still...think I should probably get some new clothes!

Tell me a story...

2009-06-17T10:01:00.003+01:00

Tomorrow I have a language check. This is a bit like a test, but less formal. They are just to check how well we have learned modules of language study. Tomorrow’s check is on stories about Jesus in simple Thai. I have enjoyed this module, partly because I got to practice my reading and writing, but mostly because I got to think about Jesus. I have to pick a few stories to tell in the check, out of the 29 that I have read. I have chosen 3, which I hope will be enough.

Here are the stories I have chosen to tell in Thai tomorrow and why:

Jesus Calms a Storm:

Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!"
Matthew 8:23-27

This is my all time favourite account found in the gospels. It is such a powerful reminder of Jesus’ power over everything – even the wind and waves obey Him! Just now I was listening to a song on the new kids’ album (To be like Jesus) by Sovereign Grace Music called ‘Peace’. And these lines stood out:

“If you can calm the sea, then you can comfort me,
If winds obey your voice, why should I fear their noise?”

If God is in control over even the weather, how much more can I trust Him with my life?

Jesus Changes Water into Wine:

On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine."
"Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied, "My time has not yet come."
His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."
Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.
Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim.
Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet."
They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."
This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed in Cana of Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.
John 2:1-11

I chose this one because the thing I had never seen in this story until recently. Courtesy of one of John Piper’s Taste and See articles that appeared in my inbox, this account of Jesus’ first miracle has changed in my mind from being a ‘bit odd’ to being ‘amazing’! (As always when I think something in the Bible is a ‘bit odd’, the fault lay with me and not the Bible!) My thoughts before went as follows: ‘I get that Jesus was showing His glory, but why wine? Why did he turn the water to wine!? What was the use?’

Verse 6 holds the clue: ‘Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.’

So imagine the scene. The big pots are full of the water that Jews use to get ‘ceremonially clean’, to be fit to worship, to be clean in God’s eyes. And what does Jesus do? He only goes and breaks all the rules and does something totally shocking…instead of using the water to ‘get clean’ he orders the servants to serve it up as a drink for the host of the wedding!! But then catch is this…even before the servants get their pitchers in the jars, Jesus has changed that water into wine. Wine…the stuff that He later uses as a symbol of His blood shed for us, ushering in the new covenant.

This ‘strange’ miracle is making an important point. There’s only one way to get clean…really clean…clean on the inside. There’s only one way to approach God with a clean and pure heart. The blood of Jesus. The provision of God. The miracle of all miracles. Blood that makes us white as snow.

‘What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.
What can make me whole again,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.’

The other story I have chosen to tell is the Lost Sheep. But I have no profound thoughts to share...I chose it because it was short…!

Thai Cultural Lessons #3 [Song Thaews]

2009-06-15T15:33:00.003+01:00

This is my favourite form of transport in Thailand. It is called a 'song thaew' and is very simple and easy to use! You simply hop on the back, press a buzzer when you want to get off, and then jump off and pay the driver! Different colours go to different places.

Song Thaew drivers are very observant. The vehicles that go up and down the main road that the university is on will slow down as they pass the entrances to smaller roads that come off it, looking for potential passengers. So you may still be 10 metres away from the main road, but if you give them the nod, or even just look like you might want to get on, they will wait for you!

3 cheers for song thaews!!

Thai Cultural Lessons #2 [Packaging]

2009-05-29T12:09:00.005+01:00

This is what happens when you open a packet of crisps in Thailand.

Why?

Because packaging in Thailand is designed to be extremely difficult to open. It occurred to me today that this could be to ensure the non-entrance of ants? The problem is it very nearly keeps me out too!!

Other packaging I have found difficult to open include: bread, plastic bottles, ironing board, cuppa soup...

[Disclaimer: This is not a criticism against Thai culture, though on bad days I have been known to let it bug me! But if I am completely honest, I tend to have problems getting into packing the world over...does anybody else have this problem?]

Thai Cultural Lessons #1 [Bread]

2009-05-20T07:03:00.004+01:00

Despite bread not being a particularly Thai thing, there are many different types of bread in Thailand.

I have sampled most of the breads available in 7/11 and the one pictured above is the only one I have found that:

a) is not sweet
b) does not contain meat that looks like hair
c) is not sweet AND containing meat that looks like hair

They've arrived!!!!!

2009-05-11T10:48:00.004+01:00

The John's gospels in Thai and English for our FREE project here in Central Thailand have arrived!!!! So excited!

So you can get an idea, here's what they look like!!!

And here is an excerpt:

“และท่านทั้งหลายจะรู้จักความจริง และความจริงนั้นจะทำให้ท่านทั้งหลายเป็นไทย”
- ยอห์น 8:32

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free”
- John 8:32

For those of you who are the praying type – please pray that the 2000 copies of these FREE gospels currently sitting downstairs in the Youth House would not stay there! Pray that they would get into the hands of Thai students and that their Christian friends would be willing to sit down and read it with them and talk to them about the main guy – Jesus! Most of all pray that GOD would be at work in Thai people's lives showing them the TRUTH that will set them free.

Culture and Conviction

2009-05-06T15:13:00.007+01:00

'Culture disorientation' has caused me to ask some searching questions over the last few months. The struggle of living in a culture that is so different to what I'm used to, and at times longing for home. I have grappled with how to deal with these feelings. How should I feel? Why do I feel like I feel? Where should I send my thoughts when I am feeling like this?

It's been a much needed wake-up call because it has made me question some of the foundations my life is built on. When I long to be in the UK simply because it is easier to live in a culture I am familiar with, I know that I am starting to treasure comfort over Christ. This is the first warning sign.

And when I think about the future and ask myself - where would I like to live? What would I like to do? I betray the fact that I value culture over conviction.

What I mean by this is that I judge my contentment and my ability to work with certain people by how well I can understand their culture and feel at ease in it. If I don't feel at ease I see this as something that needs to be overcome. I feel that I need to in some way love the culture I am in, in order to minister to the people. Now of course seeing positives in any culture I find myself in is a good thing, and no doubt helpful!

But what I have been realising, as I've struggled with this culture and as my heart has been torn between wanting to be at home and knowing that if I was at home I would want to be here (!!!), is that I am not about culture. We are not called to love a culture, but to love God, to love the gospel, and to love people. I don't want any of my life choices to be built on vague ideas like 'i like those kinds of people...I'll work with them'; 'I like that place...I'll work there'; 'I fit in well in that culture...I'll go there'. I want my choices to stem from deep convictions about who God is, who we are in light of who God is, and the unchanging truths of the Bible, of the gospel of Jesus Christ. We may end up falling in love with the culture/country we work in along the way, but that is not to be what drives us.

When my eyes turn to earthly comforts, and I feel like I would be happier if only I was with people that understood me, or in a country where I could wear jumpers and coats and have a big thick duvet at night and have a hot bath, where I could understand what was going on in church and where I wouldn't offend people all the time accidentally on account of not knowing the cultural cues...

...that's when I know that my convictions are built on culture and comfort instead of on Christ.

So where should I send my thoughts when I am longing for home? Lingering on thoughts of earthly comforts certainly do not satisfy! Instead I should send my thoughts to God, the God of all comforts, to my Saviour, to the cross and resurrection of Jesus, where my eternal salvation was bought and secured. To my home in heaven which is where my only lasting possessions are, which anyway is my only REAL home.

My prayer is that God would use all these experiences to build deep conviction in me. Praise Him for already starting this process, I know He will finish it.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ Name.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

- Edward Mote 1834

"For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." - Philippians 3:18-21

My first Thai song! (sort of)

2009-04-30T11:35:00.002+01:00

I wrote the following song, for immediate translation (by my friend Nam), as the official 'Camp Song', on the theme of the camp, for our time up in the mountains last week. Though I wrote it in English, it has only ever been sung in Thai. It was so wonderful to hear the kids singing it in their beautiful voices, and a definite highlight for me was hearing kids outside practicing the song one night while I was cleaning my teeth. I pray that the truths in it might sink deep and God would use them to lead children to know Him.

You Are Special
คุณเป็นคนพิเศษ (นะ)

Chorus:
You are special because God made you and God loves you
คุณรู้ไหมว่าคุณเป็นคนพิเศษ เพราะว่าพระเจ้าสร้างคุณ และเพราะพระองค์รักคุณ
It doesn't matter what people say, or what people think
ไม่ต้องสนใจว่าใครจะพูดอย่างไร หรือว่าจะคิดอย่างไร
You are special to God
เพราะว่าคุณเป็นคนพิเศษของพระองค์

Verse 1:
You might ask me how I can be so sure
คุณอาจจะถาม แล้วฉันจะแน่ใจได้อย่างไร
I'll show you God's son Jesus, who died for us
ฉันบอกให้รู้เพราะพระเยซูทรงตายเพื่อเรา

(Chorus)

Verse 2:
Even thought we don't deserve His love
ถึงแม้ว่าเราไม่สมควรจะรับรักของพระองค์
We can be God's friends through Jesus' death on a cross
แต่เรายังสามารถที่จะเป็นเพื่อนกับพระเยซู

Mae Jan, April 21-25: Kids Camps with Karen Tribe Children [In Words!]

2009-04-29T04:30:00.001+01:00

After 10 hours of travelling, and 1,219 bends in the mountain road (so I’m told...before you ask, I didn't count them!), fellow missionary Julia Birkett and I, a Thai student worker, and a mixture of 4 Thai students and recent graduates, arrived in the Karen village of Mae Jan, which is right on the border with Burma.

For the next 3 days we ran a camp for 90 kids, all of whom are supported by the organisation Compassion, with the theme ‘You are Special’. With a mixture of games, crafts, drama, songs, testimonies, (and at one point a full scale waterfight!) we sought to communicate the message that the only opinion of us that matters is God’s.

It was amazing to be in the mountains in N. West Thailand. I loved sleeping on the floor under a mosquito net in a wooden hut and sitting on the porch in the evenings reading by candlelight. I loved hearing 90 kids singing about Jesus in Thai as well as their own tribal language, with the most beautiful voices I have ever heard. I loved eating rice for breakfast. I loved seeing the most majestic and beautiful scenery I have ever seen on the way home. I loved seeing students have their first taste of cross-cultural mission (even if it was in their own country!) And most of all I loved getting a glimpse of how God is working in people’s lives – ushering some into the first steps of following Jesus, and others into deeper, darker waters; yet with the promise to be the guide and light for all who keep walking with Him.

It was a brief, but incredibly encouraging experience. Praise God!

Mae Jan, April 21-25: Kids Camps with Karen Tribe Children [In Pictures!]

2009-04-29T04:12:00.003+01:00

beholding the light of sunrise...

2009-04-07T10:50:00.004+01:00

Peace!?

2009-04-03T03:51:00.004+01:00

" 'Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: Because of your false words and lying visions, I am against you, declares the Sovereign LORD. My hand will be against the prophets who see false visions and utter lying divinations. They will not belong to the council of my people or be listed in the records of the house of Israel, nor will they enter the land of Israel. Then you will know that I am the Sovereign LORD.

" 'Because they lead my people astray, saying, "Peace," when there is no peace, and because, when a flimsy wall is built, they cover it with whitewash, therefore tell those who cover it with whitewash that it is going to fall. Rain will come in torrents, and I will send hailstones hurtling down, and violent winds will burst forth. When the wall collapses, will people not ask you, "Where is the whitewash you covered it with?"

" 'Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: In my wrath I will unleash a violent wind, and in my anger hailstones and torrents of rain will fall with destructive fury. I will tear down the wall you have covered with whitewash and will level it to the ground so that its foundation will be laid bare. When it falls, you will be destroyed in it; and you will know that I am the LORD. So I will spend my wrath against the wall and against those who covered it with whitewash. I will say to you, "The wall is gone and so are those who whitewashed it, those prophets of Israel who prophesied to Jerusalem and saw visions of peace for her when there was no peace, declares the Sovereign LORD." '
Ezekiel 13:8-16

Written so long ago, but oh how relevant for today. How familiar are those comforting but ultimately false words: 'peace, peace', when there is no peace. Because when we reduce the gospel to a simple 'God loves you', that is in effect what we are saying. We're saying 'sin isn't a problem, you don't really need to change anything to be made right with God, his love covers everything and you're ok as you are. You just need to believe you have peace with God already and then you will have it'.

This belittles both God and people. It belittles God because it does not do justice to the true Holy love of God that demands justice but makes our rescue possible by punishing sin in Jesus on the cross. And it belittles people because it is false hope. It isn’t even good news; it just lures people into a trap. It is exactly like building that flimsy wall described in Ezekiel above, and whitewashing it over, hoping no-one will see the holes. But it will not stand. It may fool people for a while but on the day of the Lord it will NOT STAND.

Not to go into too many details, or go off on a rant (which isn't really my thing) I believe this false 'peace, peace' theology is ultimately the message of the book The Shack, and I am very concerned about this, especially because of the way it has been embraced by many people.
"...they lead my people astray, saying, "Peace," when there is no peace." Declaring peace when there is no peace is not good news. It is a death trap.

So if we're not to preach false peace, what are we to preach? What is the good news?

“We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians 5:20-21

The good news is that although we are separated from God because of our sin, we can be reconciled to Him, because Jesus became sin instead of us, bearing the wrath we deserve and crediting God’s righteousness to us instead. It is with urgency that we must make this appeal to be reconciled to God, not simply announcing that everyone is already reconciled. If we announce such a message I believe we are just like those false prophets in Ezekiel 13.

Words

2009-03-16T14:24:00.005Z

No words today...

Hiding, scattered all over the place.

Oh the words are there...they just don't want to co-operate right now.

If they did get their act together they'd probably want to share about the current experience of passing in and out of murky dusk and hazy sunrise, and the thoughts and feelings familiar with each state.

But I know what they're like, my words.

They've got an unhealthy pre-occupation with Alison Joy Young.

Even if they did get their act together and say something, they'd probably want to talk about me and not at all about the source of the light gleaned in either the dusk or the sunrise. They'd take every shimmer, both the shadowy ones and the shiny ones, and turn them to myself.

And what an utter waste of words that would be, when the Source is so wonderful and so glorious. The Source doesn't just give the light, He IS the light. The One whose light is beclouded in the muddy greyness of dusk is the same One whose rays dance and sparkle in the warm haze of sunrise. There is beauty to behold in both places. Whether bright and obvious, or filtered through to straining, smarting eyes.

It's a beauty that needs to be beheld with eyes, mind, heart, soul and strength.

beheld, loved and praised.

...and the only master of our words.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him. He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light. The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world." John 1:1-9

May I never seek to be my own light, or the light by which others live. Let me point always and only to the Source of all light, Jesus Christ.

I love this picture...#4

2009-02-24T09:59:00.005Z

This picture reminds me of my favourite bit of one of my favourite of books - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader by C.S.Lewis. I took this picture during a boat-ride on the 'largest fresh-water swamp in Thailand' (the word swamp makes it seem more exciting than it is - it's really just like a big lake!) which happens to be in Nakhon Sawan where I live.

I took this photo, imagining I was actually in the book! I want to take you, in your imagination, to the end of the book. The passengers of the Dawn Treader have sailed almost to the end of the world, they are heading towards 'Aslan's Country' and as they get closer, everything gets brighter, the water tastes sweet and fresh, they feel more alive and full of joy and they even start getting younger!

The water is smooth and everything is still and calm.

The last part of the sea, before the Dawn Treader must turn around and go back and some of the crew must go on into Aslan's Country, is covered in lilies. They name it 'the silver sea'. The carpet of lilies in my picture is not quite the same, there's no white flowers....but just use your imagination and soak in this picture made of words from the book:

"...And when after some consultation the Dawn Treader turned back into the current and began to glide eastwards through the Lily Lake or the Silver Sea (they tried both these names but it was the Silver Sea that stuck and is now on Caspian's map) the strangest part of their travels began. Very soon the open sea which they were leaving was only a thin rim of blue on the western horizon. Whiteness shot with faintest colour of gold spread round them on every side except just astern, where their passage had thrust the lilies apart, and left an open lane of water, that shone like dark green glass."

It made me happy imagining being in that part of the book as I lay in the sun watching as we made our way through the still 'lily lake'. It made me happy because it made me think of getting nearer to heaven, just like in the book Reepicheep and the children were all the time getting closer to where Aslan lived.

And we are getting closer. Every day.

Worst of sinners

2009-02-22T08:58:00.004Z

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
1 Tim 1:15-17

I love this picture...#3

2009-02-20T14:37:00.004Z

A notebook I bought today.

Why did I buy it? Because it made me laugh my head off!! I love Thailand for many reasons, and this is one of them! Why someone would make a notebook with the word 'blandness' on the front I have no idea, but the fact that they did made my day today!

It's not quite as good as that classic 'mosquito restaurant' menu, but I thought it was worth a photo anyway! In case you've forgotten about that, you can see those pictures here.

I have nothing profound whatsoever to say about this notebook picture - just that I love it!

Why assume...?

2009-02-20T13:27:00.009Z

It's not often I have an opinion about something. I don't tend to feel strongly about things, that's just my personality. That's probably why I don't enjoy debates at all. It's also why I don't like to use this blog as a place to air my opinions...
That doesn't mean I don't think truth is important. On the contrary, I think truth should be defended and upheld at all costs and that's partly what this blog entry is about.

But I want this to be read bearing in mind that I am a sinner saved only by the precious grace of Jesus Christ, nothing more, nothing less. My words will always be mingled with mixed motives and intentions, informed by experiences unique to me, and tinted by my own personal slant on life. Maybe I have a chip on my shoulder about this, maybe I just feel strongly about it because it is true...I don't know. I just want to throw this thought out there and wanted to make that disclaimer before doing so.

There are many songs that I personally enjoy, that help me to sing praise to God when I am on my own, but that I would never choose to sing when in the context of a group or church...and in fact would even say that to do so would be very dangerous if they were all we sang.

Take for example, this song, The Stand:

I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned,
In awe of the One who gave it all,
I'll stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered,
All I am is yours.

Now I like this song. In fact I am listening to it right now! I like it musically, and I like the words too. Because I am certain that Jesus is who is meant by 'the One who gave it all' and that the giving of everything spoken of is referring to when Jesus died on the cross to take the penalty for sinners. There is nothing inherently wrong with this song! But the reason why I think it would be unwise to sing this song/or a song like this in a group context is this: I cannot assume that just because I am thinking about the gospel when I sing this song, that everyone else is too. In fact we could be singing about almost anything or anyone!
[I must be fair to the writers of this song, because the above lyrics are actually only the chorus, which comes after a couple of verses explaining why God is so praiseworthy, but almost no-one knows this because the verses are never sung!!! This chorus has been turned into a whole song of its own.]

The reason why this I think it is very dangerous to sing, in corporate worship, songs which are not explicit about the gospel as revealed in the Bible is because an 'assumed' gospel will soon become no gospel at all. If we in our groups do not sing about the specifics of the gospel as well as how we feel about it, then the newcomer to the group, or even the believer who hasn't had much opportunity to read the Bible in depth yet, will not know what they are singing about. If this generation assumes that everyone knows the gospel and so does not proclaim it to each other, then the next generation will not know the gospel at all!

Now I know there is more than one way to remind each other of the gospel, this task is not completely reliant on the songs that we sing, that's why I asked you to read this bearing in mind that I can never be totally agenda-free when I write. But our songs are surely a good place to start aren't they? They are also one of the best ways that we learn and remember information. And anyway, why would we want to sing about anything else?

If we are to take the command of Titus 3:8 seriously then I think that we need to think really carefully about the kind of songs we sing:

^"3At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. ⁴But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, ⁵he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, ⁶whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, ⁷so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. ⁸This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone." (Titus 3:3-8)

Learning

2009-02-14T07:04:00.005Z

Learning something new is hard. For the last 5 months since I arrived in Thailand I have been learning to speak Thai; sometimes formally in language school, sometimes informally in conversations with students, and 2 weeks ago I started to learn to read and write. For the most part I have been really enjoying all of this, but this week I have started to feel how difficult this whole process is!

It is hard on the mind because is has to learn a completely new way of thinking. It has to connect sounds with a whole new set of symbols, and then work out the meaning of those symbols when they come together to form words.

It is hard on the body because so much time has to be spent sitting still concentrating on learning this new code, and then turning symbols into sounds, spoken clumsily from a mouth which is still getting used to how different all these sounds are! It is physically draining.

It is hard on the emotions because I feel like I am a child again. I have to accept the fact that I put hours of work into reading, understanding and discussing with my teacher, what is effectively a simple, children's story - only a few lines! And I still don't understand all of it! I spend what seems like an AGE reading out-loud to my teacher, one word at a time. Sometimes it is so slow that we spend a whole lesson working on only one paragraph! It is demoralising.

Right now it is hard to believe that I will ever get faster or better at this! And my pride wants me to be good at it for all the wrong reasons. Reflecting on all this I have come to the following conclusions (not all connected to each other!):

Aside from all that I believe about God and His helping and aiding, on a purely rational level I know that I WILL get better at this language, because that's what just happens. I learned to read and write English, I learned to play the guitar, I see my improvement on the piano all the time. When we practice things they get easier. Simple fact of life! We just need to be patient. I've been doing this for 2 weeks...of course I won't be able to read properly yet!
My attitude in the midst of this process is all important. My very first day of learning to write, I learned a huge lesson. Making a mistake, I threw down my pencil in exasperation. My teacher exclaimed 'jai-yen!' (calm down, be patient) and with this single word I felt instant conviction of my childish attitude. It is not only important for my own growth in likeness to Jesus that I watch my attitude as I learn Thai, but also for my witness to others about my Lord Jesus.
It is good that I feel weak. I think perhaps I have become too comfortable. I remember when as a VERY new Christian I first started to understand 2 Corinthians 4:7-9:
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
I was SO excited to realise that it was ok that I felt weak - in fact, it is when I am seen to be weak that God is seen to be great! Imagine if I was some superhuman amazing person, then no-one would wonder why I don't fall apart when life gets tough, they'd just think it was part of my amazing powers! But then imagine (no, don't imagine, this one's the real one..!!) if I was a frail, broken, weak person who struggles and groans - then when I keep going in tough times people will wonder why such a rubbish person is able to do so. The only conclusion can be that it is God, it is His power, His energy, His love, Him at work - cos it is obviously not me!! Why do I always work so hard to throw doubt on this truth? Why do I want to be strong? Why do I want to cover up God's power at work by appearing 'together' myself?

Wow, I feel a whole other blog entry coming on here....better stop before I get carried away!

My prayer is that my whole attitude to learning Thai, including my motivations, studying and attempts to use the language, would bring God glory - if that means I have to be weak, so be it!

Sola Fide, Sola Gracia, Sola Deo Gloria.

Alison's thought agenda...

2009-02-01T05:45:00.006Z

I am having a 'not very Thai moment'.

Firstly, I have come out for lunch on my own - eating 'Khon Diaw' is not a very Thai thing. It's not really my choice either, but since I missed my lift to church (...and church always includes lunch) I thought I'd better go and find something to eat on my own.

Secondly, I am in an air-conditioned cafe, with comfy chairs, trendy lamps and even rugs. I brought my laptop because there is free wi-fi here. I am drinking 'English Breakfast' tea and waiting for my spaghetti to arrive.

Very un-Thai.

I am not having an 'I hate Thailand day' or anything...it's just convenient to get here and it's the kind of place where you can go on your own and not look like a weirdo, which is handy.

I thought this would be a good time to think about the things on my 'thought agenda'. My thought agenda is a mental list of things that I want to think about at some point. The idea is that I will do this by blogging about them.

The problem is that now I have a bit of time to think about them, do you think I can remember what any of the things on my thought-agenda are!!??

i.e. No.

My brain is too full of all the Thai characters I have been learning to read and write this week, and of thinking about all the things I need to try and fit into the next week. I feel like I haven't given this blog much attention recently, other than visually...perhaps this is linked to the fact that I haven't been thinking about much lately.

So I have just added this to my (currently empty) thought agenda:

'What things can I think about?'

As I logged that on the thought agenda I realised something. The Bible gives me an instant answer if I want something to think about. It is this:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians 4:8.

If my brain is a bit blank and needing something to chew over, what better place to start?

What is true? - The Bible, everything that it says about God and the world and the way to be saved from our mess and know God. Nothing is more true. (Psalm 119:160)

What is noble? - Jesus' substitutionary death in the place of sinners (i.e. every single person who ever lived/lives/will live, including ME) who have offended God with our rejection of Him and determination to live life our own way more than we will ever fully grasp. This death of the righteous in place of the unrighteous is the most noble act that was ever done. And the fact that I can have a relationship with God as a result of it is completely undeserved. Nothing is more noble. (Titus 3:3-7)

What is right? - Everything that God does or thinks. All his ways are just and right. Nothing is more right (Hosea 14:9)

What is pure? - God and God only. He is the only standard for perfection. Nothing is more pure. (1 Sam 6:19-21)

What is lovely? - The perfect love of God through Jesus Christ. Being in His presence. Nothing is more lovely. (Psalm 84:1)

What is admirable? - Jesus Christ. His wisdom, His knowledge, His divinity, His grace, His sinlessness, all His deeds, supremely His willingness to sacrifice Himself for us. Nothing is more admirable. (Luke 5:26)

What is excellent? - all of God's ways, His character, His revelation. The glorious message of the cross of Christ - the only hope for messed up people like us. Nothing is more excellent. (Titus 3:8)

What is praiseworthy? - Jesus Christ is God. He came into our world to die in the place of all those who have rebelled against God (that is, everyone!), He lived a sinless life and then died on a cross taking on Himself the anger that God rightly has against our sin and rebellion. As a result salvation and eternal life are available to all who trust that Jesus has done this for them and turn from their life of rebellion to new life with God through Jesus. Nothing is more praiseworthy. (Isaiah 25:1)

So I will think over these things. And in prayerfully doing so, I am sure that life will seem more interesting again. I trust that my perspective will be straightened out as I see how everything fits into the framework that God has created for the universe. My spiritual eyes will be opened again to the glorious truths that have been revealed to us in the Bible and how these are all I need. My spiritual appetite will be revived. My longings and affections will start to be directed back towards the one who is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable and excellent.

Youth House Antics...[January 09]

2009-01-21T16:36:00.005Z

Get some paint, apply to faces, do some dances and you have a fun (but typical!) evening at Nakhon Sawan Youth House!!

Tea Drinking.... No-body in the whole of Thailand makes (or drinks!) tea like these boys
- they are true experts!

AJ, Bom and Nam drinking tea.
Tea Party - Partii Naamchaa!
This happens every day at 'tea time' (roughly every hour).

Interactive Club!

2009-01-21T16:21:00.004Z

Interactive Club - on the Rajabhat Campus

Hockey - and dirty feet after hockey!

A selection of random pics from the last month!

2009-01-21T16:09:00.003Z

Youth House Logo - on a black board!

The coolest flip flops I have ever seen - no joke.

Associates Retreat, Jan 09 - How many Associates can you fit in a car?

Uthai Thani - escape to the country!

2009-01-06T16:32:00.003Z

Lady carrying a TV on a motorbike...

And then on a boat...

The local temple.

Uthai Thani - Church

2009-01-06T16:18:00.006Z

The service

The Wonderful Sisters: Wear and Way

The youth washing up after lunch!

Question: Do I love Jesus Christ?

2009-01-04T15:35:00.009Z

Answer: I do.

But it's a many layered answer. Because yes, basically I do. But in another sense I don't. At least not the way I should. So I need to stop and check myself regularly to think about how I am loving Him and what it even means to love Jesus in the first place.

Last week I was really challenged by this short summary by John Piper of what it really means to love Jesus (read the whole article here):

• I admire Jesus Christ more than any other human or angelic being.
• I enjoy his ways and his words more than I enjoy the ways and words of anyone else.
• I want his approval more than I want the approval of anyone else.
• I want to be with him more than I want to be with anyone else.
• I feel more grateful to him for what he has done for me than I do to anyone else.
• I trust his words more fully than I trust what anyone else says.
• I am more glad in his exaltation than in the exaltation of anyone else, including me.

When I think about my love for Jesus in each of these categories I realise that it falls short in so many ways. Day in day out other things and people win my affections over Jesus.

So yes, I do love Jesus. But it is the love of a sinner who is humbled to realise that even the ability to love Jesus well can only come from Jesus Himself...because left to my own sinful instincts I choose other things above Him every time.

Oh Lord, have mercy on this sinner.

First Hot Christmas...

2008-12-25T15:29:00.005Z

Two things I experienced today that have never been part of my Christmas day before:

- The smell of freshly cut grass mingled with sunshine and warmth - a smell you only usually get in a UK spring or summer!

- The problem of my paper crown hat continually blowing off during Christmas dinner as a result of the fan!

Other than that it was pretty similar to being at home, thanks to a lovely British missionary couple who live nearby and welcomed me into their home for the day. Very grateful.

But in general over the last month, being in a new culture for the Christmas period has been wonderfully refreshing. None of that frenzy that is created in western cultures, centred around santa and elves and vague ideas about good will and the potential for human goodness, really exist here.

In Thailand for Buddhists (over 90% of population) Christmas is nothing; and for Christians it is nothing less than an opportunity to explain the real Christmas story to the community.

It is a time to spread the message not of our capacity to bring good will to fellow man, but of God's generosity to us in sending His Son. It is a message not of human goodness but of human depravity and God's goodness in making a way for us to be good as we were meant to be.

Am thankful for the opportunity to experience this afresh in a new place without the familiar added extras.

Pictures:
1.) Lunch with the Trelogans, Carolini and Leeanne!
2.) My first hot Christmas, out in Thap Than, Thai countryside!

I love this picture...#2

2008-12-23T12:16:00.005Z

The place: Christmas camp 2008, Christmas Carols workshop.
The action: Students writing a song celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.

This is what Christmas is all about.

It's all relative...

2008-12-23T09:38:00.002Z

This isn't, as you could be forgiven for thinking, a discussion about post-modernism. I do have some opinions on that topic, but right now they are not on my thought-agenda.

No, this is about the weather!!

So, picture the scene: I wake up in the middle of the night in my Thai bed (in Thailand) shivering. I pull the blanket up around me, I put on a hoodie (my old Bristol Uni one...received this weekend in the post from my mum!). Morning comes, I creep down the cold stairs, glad of my warm hoodie, make myself a hot drink, take it back up to my room where I clutch the hot mug as I delve into the day's portion of God's Word. I briefly consider whether or not a cold shower is essential this morning...decide it's not worth the trauma, so dress quickly (jeans and a long sleeved jumper) and go down to grab some breakfast before heading out.

This is where I realised that my temperature was 'all relative'!!

I took two pieces of bread out of the freezer and watched in amazement as both were thoroughly defrosted after less than a minute of exposure to room temperature...! So there I was shivering away in my warm hoodie, and my frozen bread was doing the exact opposite!

The cold season is in full swing here, with the temperature regularly going down to 20 degrees C, and sometimes as low as 17! It feels genuinely cold, but its blatently not!

So there's my thought of the day....admittedly it's not Einstein....

More profound Christmas related thoughts to follow!

I love this picture... #1

2008-12-06T10:39:00.003Z

I love this picture. It is full of good memories. Let me recount some of them.

The scene: Alison Williams’ living room.

It reminds me of the time when me and Katie helped Al paint this room. It was fun, meaningful and productive all at once!

It captures Lizzie in the moment of finding something hilarious (a common occurrence!) and reminds me of hours spent in hysterics with these guys.

The pile of Mark's gospels on the table remind me to pray for the students in the UK and the FREE project.

It reminds me of the story of Al’s shirt (the white one she is wearing in this picture) which cracked me up when she first told it and still cracks me up sometimes now:

Al walks into a shop, wearing the white shirt.
Indian Man: That’s a nice dress
Al (thinks): he must be talking to someone else, I’m not wearing a dress.
Al goes to the counter to buy whatever she is buying.
Indian Man: I like your dress
Al (thinks): It’s not a dress, it’s a shirt! Get lost you creepy person!*
Al (says): Thank you.
Al makes a swift exit.

Now whenever I see that shirt I think ‘I like your dress’!!

Unfortunately I never actually see the shirt what with being in Thailand and everything. But that just makes this picture even more special!

*(N.B. Al – sorry if I put words in your mouth/head there, I obviously don’t know what you were thinking re:the Indian Man’s comment, I just used my artistic licence!)

Psalm 84 - wordle

2008-12-03T13:43:00.001Z

Being real

2008-12-02T15:39:00.003Z

I like songs that are real. What I actually mean by this is that I like melancholy songs. Now for a melancholy person, listening to melancholy songs can be a bit dangerous. That's why when I found myself making a playlist of songs for my ipod yesterday called 'melancholy' I stopped myself.

I stopped myself because I have to be very careful in this area. The last thing I want to do is yield to becloudedness. But then I thought about the songs that I was selecting for this playlist. Were they really melancholy? Yes, I suppose they were, but the overriding theme in each song was hope in the amazing God who is our creator and sustainer. These kind of songs sneak hope into places where hope has been beclouded, in a way that is unassuming and consistent with reality. They turn our eyes gently upwards to gaze on our Maker, without pretending there are no tears. They tell us the truth about our great God without creating an imaginary world of fluffy, fuzzy perfection. And so I am grateful for such songs.

For that reason I decided not to abandon the playlist. Instead I changed the name to 'songs of beholding'.

Sometimes we need the honesty of these songs.

Sometimes however, we don’t.

Sometimes we just need to get over ourselves and stop feeding the parts of ourselves that enjoy the darkness. This might mean listening to upbeat songs like 'Life' by Desiree, which includes lines full of meaning, such as: 'I don't want to see a ghost, it's the sight that I fear most, I'd rather have a piece of toast, watch the evening news.' (Rhyme it sister!!) Or it might involve watching Flight of the Conchords until you feel you might die with laughter (feel free to replace with whatever comic genious you enjoy more).

Sometimes this works.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

So one needs great discernment in knowing what one needs in any given state of melancholy. My resolve is to be careful, and to keep enjoying and appreciating the moments of light-heartedness given to me in this world. To listen to the feel-good songs as well as the thought-provoking ones. To be real, but fun; serious, but spontaneous; sorrowful but overflowing with joy! To love deeply, give freely, breathe in great lungfuls of God's wonderful grace regularly. To lean my full weight upon the one who made me. To keep being honest about what I am feeling and asking Him to protect me from the sin of indulging in despair.

Blogalysing...

2008-11-29T04:43:00.000Z

So, I followed the link on Andy Shudall's blog to another blog which linked me to this 'blog analyser!' It uses what you've written on your blog to tell you what your myers-briggs personality type is. The result is scarily similar to what doing the actual myers-briggs test told me, and took much less time!
So, this is what my blog says this about me:

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

2008-11-23T07:04:00.000Z

So, House is my new favourite TV show.

For those unfamiliar with House, it is an American medical drama about a Dr (called House) who, through the means of controversial yet ingenious methods, complete with outrageous sarcasm and hilarious one-liners, figures out various mysterious illnesses that no-one else can work out. It has me laughing out loud frequently. But it also makes me think. House thinks differently to most people, and he’s not afraid to say things the way he sees them. Here is something that made me think:

Patient: I just wanna die with a little dignity

House: There’s no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we’re 90, sometimes before we’re even born, but it always happens and there’s never any dignity in it. I don’t care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass, it’s always ugly, always.
We can live with dignity, we can’t die with it.

I think House is spot on here.

Death is always ugly.

It shocks us and it horrifies us, because it is just that: ugly and horrible. And it wasn’t meant to be here, it’s a trespasser. It steals from us, it robs us, it takes EVERYTHING we have. And whether we’re expecting it or not, there is nothing we can do to stop it. We have no control over it.

We like to think we can ‘dignify’ it because that makes it easier to manage. It makes us feel like we have some control over it. But the reality is that it is our greatest enemy and whether we think about it or not, we are decaying. This life that we love, that we pour everything into, that we cling to, that we try and figure out as we go along, that we believe is all there is….is temporary.

It is our biggest enemy, but there is a bigger reality. There is more than this life. And even better than that, there is victory. Death has been crushed. It came into the world because we invited it in at the beginning; and we chose these small, frail, pitiful lives that revolve around ourselves and each other instead of our Maker, and in doing so we forfeited the pure, satisfying life that never ends.

But that’s not the end. We weren’t left to just get on with it and get over it; ‘you’ve made your bed, now lie in it’. No, we’ve been given a second chance. This is where House would probably disagree with me.

The One who made us, entered the mess, took the brokenness, the sin, the punishment we justly deserve for our rebellion, and the great enemy of death on himself and then, in victory turned death on its head as He was brought back to life.

“since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death.” – 1 Corinthians 15:21-26

So death is always ugly, House is right. I agree 100%. But there is more that needs to be said. Even in death there can be life, even after death we can be made alive. But only through one man: Jesus Christ. The defeater of the enemy.

Encouraging words...

2008-11-10T15:09:00.000Z

Tonight at the night market with a group of students:

Fern: Do you like shopping?

Alison: No.

Fern: I guessed.

Alison: How?

Fern: You look like a boy.

I love Thailand.

'piip'

2008-11-03T16:22:00.000Z

I want you to close your eyes for a moment and imagine the sound that you hear a thousand million times in a supermarket at the check-out when an item's bar-code is scanned. I think I can be almost 100% certain that we are imagining the same sound because it is the same everywhere in the world.

I have one question.

Why??

Sitting waiting for some friends earlier in a Thai supermarket I tried to imagine how it came to be that someone chose this particular sound effect. Was there a committee meeting at which it was discussed? Did they try out a few different sounds and then decide on this one? Did they test several different sounds in a large room to find out which one would carry most effectively so that it could be heard everywhere in the building? Did they do a survey of people on the streets to find out which sound was most appealing to them? And how did they even think this sound up in the first place!? Did someone raise their hand in the meeting and say
"when items are scanned at the till, it would be wonderful if we could get the scanner to make a sort of 'piip' noise...how do you think we could make that?"

The ideas I came up with for alternatives for the 'piip' sound are as follows:
- a light flashes, different colours for different sorts of items.
- the whole floor vibrates.
- a spotlight comes down from the ceiling onto the cashier and/or customer.
- the name of the item is spoken loudly by the scanner in a pre-recorded Russian accent - particularly funny for buying embarrassing items!
- the scanner is attached to a pair of electronic dancing shoes worn by the cashier, that must perform involuntary tap dance moves each time a barcode is scanned.
- Nothing.

It is frightening what bizarre things my mind can think of when it's late at night!

Still beholding...

2008-11-01T17:03:00.000Z

Skype conversation just now:
[22:38:16] Alison says:
I wanted to write something meaningful on my blog today as its my Christian birthday....
...but i need to iron...
...and sleep
[22:38:28] Jill says:
You could write that
...that Jesus is and should be in all our everyday life
...even ironing!
[22:38:46] Alison says:
i could...and may well!

And so I am.

5 years ago today my life changed very drastically. Jesus stepped in. Not that He wasn't always there, knowing me and loving me, but on that day He burst into my life and enabled me to start seeing Him for who He really is.

I didn't deserve it...quite the opposite! I was determined to live only for myself, to accept no help from a Saviour, to go my own way. And so left to myself I would have wallowed in that horrible pit of lonely darkness forever. Literally forever. And I would have deserved it.

But He didn't leave me there.

And so this beclouded soul didn't stop being beclouded...but it did begin to behold the Light. It stopped seeing only itself, it stopped delighting in fading realities and started to see and love and delight in something that will never end. Something wonderful no-less. It couldn't do that on its own...believe me it tried...and failed miserably...again and again. Sight and life and hope and light could come to me only because Jesus was willing to take on my horrible, ugly, dark, messed-up-ness on Himself as He was crushed and pierced and stricken in my place. My soul was able to behold light out of its darkness only because He came in and opened my eyes.

And 5 years on, it is still beholding…beholding the same wonderful Light…

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." "John 8:12

But as my soul is thrilled with this truth it is not paralysed. I do not mean you to think that the last 5 years have been spent entirely in private contemplation, thought and prayer, meditating on some kind of abstract ‘light’ that makes me feel better about things. Life with Jesus isn't that inward.

Jesus is a part of all of life - not just in feelings, not just in thoughts, not just for that first day when He rescued me, not just for bad days when I feel like I'm back in that dark pit again....but He is part of my life every day when I eat, when I sleep, when I am happy, when I am sad, when I go to the post-office, when I chat to students, when I am on facebook, when I am listening to music, when I am cleaning my teeth, when I am shopping, when I’m playing badminton, when I am washing dishes, when I’m playing the guitar......and when I am doing ironing.

All these things were meaningless before – just a means to an end. But now they are bursting with purpose! Because all of life is from and for Jesus!

So to the ironing I go. As one who has been rescued by Jesus, and is alive because He gives me each breath that I take.

Thankful.

'a frog fries the garlic' - only 50 baht!

2008-10-29T15:50:00.000Z

So, today was my last day in Lopburi for the time being. I finished the second module of my language study and I move to Nakhon Sawan tomorrow. I celebrated mainly by eating sweet things. But a totally unexpected highlight of my day was lunch. I went to the Mosquito Restaurant with some of the other language learners (that is its official name by the way…its other official name is the Blue Restaurant…), and as we sat down we were handed a newly created English Menu. Concealing our laughter as we read it was difficult.

These are some of the dishes on offer in the Mosquito Restaurant:

Some of my favourites:

‘A frog fries the garlic’

‘Minced snake-head fish meat’

‘Mix noodles made of green’

‘Mix total up the friend’

‘Mix a pig praises’

‘Cook time squid hand, frame pig’

‘Cook time shrimp hand, fried rice the shrimp’

Even reading them now, for about the 50 millionth time, I am laughing my head off! Laughter truly is a wonderful gift! The Lord knows how to bless us when we’re least expecting it…and in very weird and wonderful ways!

Favourite language mistakes #4

2008-10-27T02:22:00.000Z

Scene: Alison walks into the coffee room at school and is greeted by her Thai teachers. Some conversation ensues in Thai. Alison idly busies herself making a cup of coffee and answers questions about what she had for lunch, where she went, who was there etc. After a while Alison starts to get a bit lost....it deserves a mention here that unless Alison concentrates REALLY hard, she does not notice the difference between the words 'tengaan' (marry) and 'thamngaan' (work)...this is where the problem began...

Teacher Wan: Alison, would you like to marry an old person?

Alison (clearly hearing something else): Yes

Wan (laughing): really? You would like to marry an old person?

Alison: Yes

Other teachers (also laughing): old person?

Alison: (slightly suspiciously this time):...yes?

More laughter.

The Conversation switches to English.

Alison: What? What did I say?

Teachers: You will marry an old person!

Alison: What!? No, you asked me if I like working with old people!!

More laughter, Alison joins in...then makes a swift exit with her coffee.

Favourite language mistakes #3

2008-10-23T15:04:00.000+01:00

Word for milk: 'nom'
Word for wind: 'lom'

Recently I have caused a few giggles for asking, not for a pineapple milk-shake as I intended, but pineapple with 'wind'!

Keep pressing on Alison....keep pressing on!

Things that get me through a church service:

2008-10-12T11:54:00.001+01:00

Church here is hard work (because it is 2+ hours of Thai that I don't understand).

These are the things that help me survive:

- not thinking about time - i.e. what time it might be, how long the service has been so far, how long it will be til it's over....etc.

- reading the English on people's clothing.

- eating sweets.

- making mental lists of things I need to do/emails I need to send.

- planning my next blog entry.

Things I think I probably could do during church that would be more productive than what I actually do:

- trying to listen out for words I recognise.

- read the Bible.

- try and read the Thai along with the songs.

- pray for people.

Favourite language mistakes #1&2

2008-09-27T16:50:00.000+01:00

So, I thought it might be amusing to document my favourite language blunders on here! I made two today (a good sign as it means I am using language!)

#1: My teacher asked me (in Thai), how long it takes to go from England to France on the train. I replied confidently (in Thai) ‘1 year’! She looked very surprised and assumed I had misunderstood the question, I on the other hand was oblivious to my mistake…so we went through it bit by bit, and I was assuring her that it really was that fast (I thought I had said ‘1 hour!) Eventually we went through it in English: ‘by train-it takes-1-hour….’ As soon as I said ‘hour’ I realised that I had said ‘pii’ (year) instead if ‘chuamoong’ (hour!)

#2: After dinner we went to get rotee (dessert). The lady who made it was very good at it, we were amazed by the way she did things with her hands and flicked the knife back into the butter, so I leaned over and said (what I thought was) ‘you are skilled’…but what I actually said was something more like ‘you are cold’!

Hmmm…I have to laugh, don’t think there is any other way of getting through this!!!

Thai Adventures...all in my own home!!

2008-09-27T13:59:00.001+01:00

Language study has been busy, busy, busy the last week, but I have still had time for some adventures!

Last weekend we had a visit from a giant poisonous centipede (about 30 cm!) Julia (roommate) and I attempted to dispose of it (well…if I’m completely honest my role was more of the ‘assisting’ variety) but, despite our bravery, our attempts were in vain. The creature was fast and very hardy! But, upon hearing our screams (screams of bravery of course…) our housemate Sheila came down and, using a mop handle, got rid of the beast. A great girl to have around!

The next day I dropped the (full water) container that we get our drinking water delivered in. It must be at least 10 litres. It promptly broke and within seconds had spread right across the whole of the downstairs of our house! Another use for our mop!

Pictures:

1). 2 warriors preparing to face the giant centipede

2). Sheila, the hero of the story, killing the beast

3). Our 'flooded' house'

Helpful Labels

2008-09-18T17:44:00.001+01:00

I'm glad they clearly label their explosives here in Thailand! Otherwise this could have easily been mistaken for a humble gas lighter!!!

Monologue of my thoughts during a typical journey home from language school:

2008-09-18T17:44:00.000+01:00

[Leaving the building…] Oh good, my bike’s still there!....oh, there’s a dog…don’t look directly at it…just get on the bike and go past…oops, that’s not the way to get on a bike wearing a skirt, hope no-one saw!...ok, I’m off… road is not too busy that’s good….go AROUND the ditch…that’s right, ok….head for the main road…..past all these cafes, past the shop…onto the main road…..ok, I’m going the wrong way down the road, against the traffic, but that’s ok, that’s normal…but I can’t do this for too long, I do need to get across to the right side at some point… ok…there’s a gap…slow down…look behind, look all around…ok, ready? U TURN! U TURN!!!!...phew…can relax for a bit…BEEEEP!...what was that? Why did they beep? Is something wrong?....oh no, it’s normal, it’s just cos I’m farang (foreign)!.....DOG! DOG!...don’t look directly at it!!...is it moving towards me?...no, it’s sat down again…phew!...keep going!...BEEP!..what’s that? Am I doing something wrong?...no! I forgot, I’m farang…it’s normal…right, slow down, traffic lights…stop….but not too near that dog…it looks ill…did it just look at me?? Look straight ahead, ignore the dog, don’t look directly at it! Ok…all the motorbikes are ignoring the red light…hmmm…I won’t risk that, I’m not fast enough…BEEP! Laughter!...hmmm, yes I am farang, get over it. Green light, ride, ride ride!!! Over the bridge…DOGS!...about 10 of them! But they’re asleep, that’s good…try not to make the bike rattle too much…go slowly…make sure they don’t wake up…don’t look directly at them!!!...phew…nearly home now, past the men pumping water out of the school into the river…only a few more dogs to go now….turn the corner, down the hill, into my road…go AROUND the ditches, past the scabby dog…don’t make eye contact….ooo, some friendly people…nod the head, smile, ‘sa wat dii kha!’…pull up to the house…open the gate…park the bike…leap off…oops, must remember how to get off wearing a skirt…in the door…safe til next time!

Week 1 in Lopburi, Pictures

2008-09-15T14:39:00.001+01:00

Top to bottom: a fruit seller in the market; me and roomate Julia in a song thaew (transport); my bike (yes...I'm aware that it's not cool!); Our street; My room (note the gold curtains!! Have you ever seen such a sight?); my NEW guitar!!!)

So, today's most exciting news is that I purchased a guitar! I love it! Can't think of a suitable name for it yet though, any suggestions?

I am wondering why the evenings seem so long here in Thailand. I think it may be because it gets dark so early (6pm) and probably also because I know that when it is evening here it is still only afternoon back home. I'm sure they won't seem so long once I have lots of language study to be getting on with!

Lots of new sights and smells and sounds and information to take in today. The most wonderful discovery yet is that God is the same here as in the UK! Woop woop!!

P.S. If you are reading this as an imported note into facebook you will have to go to the original post on my blog to see the pictures!

Thailand

2008-09-13T10:31:00.000+01:00

So, I am here in Thailand. I thought I would give you a little update on how things are going so far:

Day 1 - arrived in Bangkok, met by OMFers Off and Peung at the airport (even though my flight was 3 hours late - we found each other in the end!)

Day 2 - Travelled to Lopburi where I will be for the next 6 weeks doing language study.
Most notable feature of the day: throwing up after everything I ate or drank for the whole day!
First purchase: Thai mobile phone in TESCO!
Second purchase: A fleece throw for my bed, also in Tesco (air con is so cold!)

Day 3 -
Most notable event: Locking myself out of my room, a couple of the guys from language school had to come over with a ladder and break into my room from the outside!! Oh dear!
Positive: No throwing up!

Day 4 -
Positive: managed pluck up the courage to actually use the rickety granny bike i am borrowing and rode all of 5 mins down the road, home from the place where I had my orientation this morning!
Negative: DOGS! Horrible dogs everywhere!

Will post pictures soon!!

We are being conned!!

2008-07-31T22:04:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I washed my hair with shower gel after swimming........and.....IT WAS FINE!!!

Goodbye Herbal Essenses! It's all a con, you can wash your hair with SHOWER GEL!

Amazing.

Final favourite conversations with old people:

2008-07-28T16:22:00.000+01:00

Finished work on Saturday. Here are some of the highlights of my final weeks there:

Old lady 1 (as I'm saying good night): "Turn the light off will you? It's cheaper than falling down the stairs"

Old lady 1 (at the dinner table): "They should do a test to see who has the most electrically wired utensils...and outfits! A test for fun!"

Old Lady 1 (While I am standing at her sink waiting for the water to warm up and she is sitting in her chair chattering away to herself as usual): "Ha ha ha...no children you see...ha ha ha....home-made escalator..."

Old Lady 2 (while I'm making her bed for her): "You're doing a good job there Bill"

Old Lady 3 (to ME): Can you hand me that bread-maker please Pam?
Me (Thinking "Pam?? Breadmaker??"): Bread-maker?
Old Lady 3: Yes that little black one on the table!
Me (all I can see is a remote control and a phone. The phone is white....): the remote control?
Old lady 3: Yes!

Names that old lady 3 (above) called me in the space of one conversation while I was giving her a bath:

Nicola
Geraldine
Angela
Josephine

Good times. I will miss them.

I have a shelter

2008-05-02T23:41:00.001+01:00

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

Favourite conversations with old people #5

2008-05-01T05:14:00.000+01:00

Old lady: (pulling the corner of her cardigan as if trying to give it to me) Here you go! It's a big kiss!

Me: I don't think I really want one of those

Old lady: No? I'll just leave it on the side of the plate then.

...BUT NOT CRUSHED!

2008-04-27T19:00:00.000+01:00

These feel like the 3 sweetest words in the universe to me right now.

Favourite conversations with old people #4

2008-04-25T22:47:00.000+01:00

Me: (to old lady who is in a world of her own, trying to bring her back to the task at hand) You're on the toilet!

Old lady: Marvellous!! Who's on the honey?

Favourite conversations with old people #3

2008-04-24T16:45:00.000+01:00

Lunchtime, in the dining room.

Old Lady: Oh you've got your mask on!

Me: No, this is my real face.

2008-04-17T22:46:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I ache for heaven. I just long for the day when I will be with Jesus forever. It's not like things are rubbish in my life or anything, it's just that I'm VERY aware that this is not my home. I was made for more. We all were. My longings were not meant to be satisfied here. And so I ache inside for the day when they will be.

I long to be home.

In other news, here is my latest favourite conversation with an old person:

Me: Are you ready to come downstairs for lunch?

Old lady: Yes, I'm just getting my things together...do I look ok? Well I suppose it doesn't matter, it's not a fashion show is it!!

Me: Well if it is then I'm certainly not dressed for it!

Old lady: Oh you are!! I can imagine the commentary - 'and here comes the lady dressed in a beautiful white pinny (!?), with the finishing touches of a pair of black trousers! She didn't expect it, but she's the bell of the ball!'

A response to the secular perspective on hope in the face of despair

2008-02-19T19:04:00.000Z

From BBC Website:

Facing despair

Hope is based in reality - it's not optimism, wishing or dreaming. Facing up to dark and difficult truths enables hope to emerge and new doors to open.

For example, when cancer is first diagnosed the hope is for a cure. If the cancer spreads or the treatment doesn't work then the hope changes - one hopes that the cancer can be held at bay for as long as possible with few symptoms. Hopes for family holidays, reunions and anniversaries can be worked on and achieved. This can be a special time.

If the cancer spreads further and it becomes clear that it'll cause death then hope shifts again. The hope is for a peaceful, pain-free death, for good endings with friends and family, for reconciliations - and for preparation with spouses and children who'll be left behind. Memory boxes and books, letters and photographs can be used to pass on pearls of wisdom and hopes for the future of those left behind. Beliefs beyond death can be examined and spiritual issues never normally discussed can lead to deep and meaningful moments with huge intimacy and understanding.

Setting achievable goals

When despair creeps in it's often because expectations are unrealistic. Goals can be set that are impossible to achieve and the person repeatedly fails and becomes frustrated and hopeless. Re-setting goals and accepting limitations means that plans go ahead and pleasure and fulfilment allow hope to return - and despair vanishes.

For instance, many people dream of a holiday somewhere warm and sunny. However, holiday insurance can be difficult to obtain, travelling by air can be fraught with obstacles and it seems that one barrier after another is put in the way. Altering the goal slightly to travel within Europe by train or a visit to the beautiful Devon coast, for example, can suddenly make this dream a reality, and hope is back.

Day to day, it's important to attempt activities that are achievable - it may no longer be possible to dig over the entire garden, but it may be hugely rewarding to plant out summer bedding plants and transform the garden with colour.

Dreams and wishes are important but can disappoint and frustrate. Hope is real and gives huge comfort and peace - leaving no room for despair.

Dr Suzy Jordache, BCC Website (http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/coping_with_grief/terminalillness_hope.shtml)

I do not doubt the wisdom in this advice TO SOME EXTENT. I am sure that learning to set achievable goals really makes a difference when expectations are high and physical capability is diminishing. But is this really the best hope that the world has to offer?

Is this all we can offer people - the hope of a final holiday? The hope of a pain free death? The hope of not being forgotten? Of passing on wisdom to the next generation? IS THAT THE BEST WE CAN DO?

What happens when we return from the holiday? What happens when the pain doesn't go away? Can true, life-giving hope really be rooted in these things? Are real people in this real, broken world really satisfied with these solutions?

There is only one sure foundation for hope in the face of despair, hope in the face of death:

'Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." ' - 1 Corinthians 15:51-54

'And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."' - Revelation 21:3-5

Oh how I ache for the fulfillment of those words. And oh how I ache for the people around me to know their truth.

2008-02-03T06:12:00.000Z

My favourite conversations with old people:

Old lady 1: ‘I’ve been admiring your asbestos lawn – very nice!’

Old lady 1: [calls me over] ‘I don’t quite know how to approach this topic…but you know your green walking stick?...Well...I had it for Christmas [gives me a cheeky look]! I’ll try to use it in the correct way.’

Old lady 1: [whilst on the toilet] ‘We heard a tremendous noise the other night…so loud! It was like… it was like…what’s the word? It was like…….

Me: What was it like? [I’m thinking thunder?]

Old lady 1: ‘It was like a fart! And it was so long too, we were surprised at how long it was. It was at least 4 ft long!’

Me: [coming into bedroom to take dirty dishes away] 'Can I take your cup?'

Old lady 2: ‘Yes, but leave the saucer here for my…my…what’s it called? My otter.'

Me: 'Your otter???!!??'

Old lady 2: 'Yes, he comes up to see me sometimes [deadly serious].

[Half an hour later…]

Me: ‘Have you seen that otter?’

Old lady 2: 'No, I don’t know where he lives.'

Me: 'Probably a river'

Old lady 2: 'Well yes he lives in the river, but he hasn’t been up to see me. I’ve had to give my affections to a puma instead.'

Me: 'a PUMA???!!!'

Lamentations 3:19-24

2007-12-31T19:00:00.000Z

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

Only one word left...

2007-12-04T12:53:00.000Z

Well...I have run out of words.

I guess there's only one I need to remember right now:

GRACE

2007-11-10T12:29:00.000Z

'Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.' - Philippians 4:8

Here is something that fits all those categories:

'God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.' 2 Corinthians 5:21

I will think about this.