Beautiful things

This song is beautiful. Have a listen. And drink in the words.

'All this pain, I wonder if I'll ever find my way, I wonder if my life could really change at all?
All this earth, could all that is lost ever be found? Could a garden come up from this ground at all?

You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust,
You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us.

All around hope is springing up from this old ground, out of chaos life is being found in you.'

 - Gungor, 'Beautiful Things'

There is hope. And it doesn't come from inside us. Beauty is possible in brokenness because of the Beautiful One who imparts life and hope. Grace bestowed on the undeserving!

Hard pressed...but not crushed?

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)


The excitement levels were high across the board at Forum this year! There is lots to be excited about - most of all our amazing God who works in people's lives and who shines light into our dark hearts! There is the brilliant 'Uncover' project to be excited about - the challenge to read the bible with people who want to explore Christianity, a chance for them to examine the evidence and meet Jesus for themselves - http://www.uccf.org.uk/uncover/

Lots of stuff flying through everyone's heads as we come back to reality - so much to do, such a massive mission field, such a small mission-team....

It would be easy to lose heart.

I confess I HAVE lost heart too many times.

And yet to lose heart in a mission involving such an amazing God and a wonderful message is surely to miss the point!?

We are 'hard pressed on every side, but not crushed'. The truth is that this is not our mission, and it is not our message. It is God who shines the light into our hearts and opens our eyes see who He is. It is God who has already won the ultimate victory! It is good that we are weak, because that is how people see that God is strong! If we make it about us then we will be crushed. If we look to Him for strength and identity, perhaps we will still feel overwhelmed, but we will know that all is not lost. It does not all rest on us.

Overwhelmed...but on the winning side!

I still feel discouraged, because I am broken, but I am thankful that God is big enough to cope with my frail emotions. Take heart Alison.

Cardiff Cashier Kindness!

The cashiers of Cardiff were on form today - at least 2 were above the average levels of friendliness!

My favourite one was in Boots, I found it quite touching!

Me: purchasing Halls Soothers.
Cashier: Looking at my purchase of choice "Sore throat?"
Me: "A little bit, yeah"
Cashier: Genuine sympathy "Aww, I hate having a sore throat, can't get rid of them!"
The purchase is made, cash exchanged etc.
Me: "Thanks, bye!"
Cashier: "Hope you feel better soon!"

How kind!!! Hooray for Cardiff cashiers!

My crazy, crazy friend Alison Williams

This week we officially said goodbye to our Team Leader and friend Alison Williams. She isn't leaving quite yet...but since we got into the farewell mindset I thought I would write some reflections on here now.

Well, I say write...actually I just want to show you some photos...there are some things words can't even get close to describing!

 

One of my favourite things about our Team Days together is how we just laughed and laughed....and laughed....and laughed some more!

 

Thanks Al - we're going to miss you!!!

Thai Stationary: RE-VISITED! (part 2 - coming to join in my wonderful!)

For some reason there is a whole range of milk themed stationary...here are some of my favourites in the writing-paper range:

Thai Stationary: RE-VISITED! (part 1 - Let's listen to our piano voices!)

It's been a while since I shared any Thai stationary with you. I thought it was time...

Folder - 'Let's listen to our piano voices'
Pencil-case - 'Thread gently on the earth'

 Writing paper - 'Pigi and Pogi: We are mini pig!'

 

Beauty in the Breakdown

"So let go, let go, jump in,what you waiting for?It's alright,
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.
let go, let go, just get in
Oh, it's so amazing here.
It's alright,'cause there's beauty in the breakdown."

- Frou Frou (Imogen Heap), Let Go

For the Christian there's beauty in the breakdown.

 How else do I grow? 

 To break down is to move forward. 
In my brokenness to find His strength - there is no greater privilege. 

 'Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, 

that to be low is to be high, 

that the broken heart is the healed heart, 

that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, 

that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, 

that to have nothing is to possess all, 

that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, 

that to give is to receive, 

that the valley is the place of vision.'

- Valley of Vision  

 Beauty in the breakdown.

"Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you,
It will set you free,
Be more like the man you were made to be.
There is a design, an alignment, a cry,
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be"

- 'Sigh no more', Mumford and Sons 

Word Search

It's been a long time since these thoughts got dressed in ink and stepped out onto the page.

It's easier inside my head; thoughts unbound by words and ink. But clarity often comes only through the hard work of forming sentences and paragraphs, committing them to the page and exposing them to the light of Scripture. Thoughts can be evasive. Left to themselves they hide in the shadows. And weariness within me whispers 'leave them there'.

But in this broken, feeble act of chasing thoughts I am brought low. Effort fails, words slip out of reach, and my head is lifted.

There is Light.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
 John 1:1-5

"O that all my distresses and apprehensions
might prove but Christ's school
to make me fit for greater service
by teaching me the great lesson of humility"

- Valley of Vision, 'Need of Grace'

Sausage-Cake Sandwich

One might expect that after so long I would write about something a bit more profound than this...however, here it is, the Sausage Cake Sandwich:

You'll see that there are 2 options - the Custard Cake Sandwich and the Sausage Cake Sandwich. These are two of the many fine items available for purchase at 7/11 in Nakhon Sawan. Now, not wanting to be too cynical about Thai bakery items, and spurred on by Heather Simmons, I once tried this Sausage Cake Sandwich, thinking that perhaps it just had a funny name and was in fact a normal sandwich. Unfortunately, the Sausage Cake Sandwich lived up to its name and was exactly what you might imagine from the name. Sausage, and cake, made into a sandwich.

Alas.

I am happy to report, that though I do in some sense miss the wacky lunch options in Thailand, I am very much appreciating British bread, sandwiches, sandwich fillings etc now I am back in the UK! May I keep being thankful, and not forget the days when the choice of sandwich was between custard cake and sausage cake!

Depression

I’m going to be quite honest. This may or may not be the right place for it. But I think it’s important so I’m going to risk it.

I struggle with depression.

The reason I want to make this public knowledge is this: almost every time I am honest with someone about this, I discover that they struggle with the same things. Not just 1 person, not just 2, not even just 10. Everywhere I go. All kinds of people. And people are sometimes surprised that I am honest about it. Because people often aren’t.

I don’t want Christians to be afraid of depression. It is NOT incompatible with Christian joy – let’s just blow that one out of the water right away! I don’t think I have ever learned so much about joy as I have through depression. And I know this isn’t just my story, but the story of countless others. Joy forged in the fires of depression is real and lasting.

And it is NOT something to be ashamed of. It’s a no-brainer! As broken, fallen human beings our bodies are frail, our minds are frail, our emotions are frail. So depression shouldn’t be a surprise to us any more than a cold is!

So why are we afraid to be open about it?

Let me be honest with you. There will be people who don’t understand. There will always be people who see depression as a disqualifying weakness, who judge you for it, who think that you must be doing something wrong if you feel like this. It will hurt. And then (if you’re like me!) you will judge them for their lack of understanding…. A vicious circle of bitterness that can only be broken in the wells of forgiveness that are at the heart of the Christian gospel.

Somewhere in the midst of this, honesty is not only appropriate, but I think crucial. Even in the face of misunderstanding and risk of rejection, and disappointment with our own sin, we are called to be honest with God, ourselves and others about our depression.

There are 3 main reasons why I think this:

For the sake of God’s glory

We want people to see that we are weak but that God is great! The price of being misunderstood is worth nothing to us if this is our greatest aim and desire. We don’t want people to think that we are ‘sorted’; we want people to see that God is working in ordinary, broken people! The gospel is about Him, not us! (2 Corinthians 4:7)

For the sake of thirsting for God

We must resist the temptation to appear spiritual by never allowing ourselves to feel what we feel. On the contrary, I must let myself feel deeply, and only then will I cry out to God to ‘lead me to the Rock that is higher than I’ (Psalm 61) “The Longings of our heart must be faced. The disappointment of our soul must be experienced. Only then will we learn to pant after God in eager expectation of His coming, when every desire will be forever satisfied.” Dr. Larry Crabb

For the sake of helping others

It’s not just about us and God. We are part of a community. Covering up our struggles is not loving to those around us. It does not model authenticity.

On the other hand, if we are honest about our struggles there may be opportunities to help others as we have been helped. Perhaps honesty breeds honesty. Perhaps it needs to start with us. And perhaps then we can say with Paul:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

Honesty isn’t where it ends…it has to be balanced with gospel truth. This balance is what Tim Keller calls the ‘gospel 3^rd way’ and is what we see in the Psalms all the time. It is the balance between the 2 extremes of the ‘religious way’ (uncomfortable with feelings; deny and suppress) and the ‘secular way’ (acknowledge, express and follow). The gospel 3^rd way is to pray our feelings, bring them before God and process them. [You can download Tim Keller’s excellent talk, praying your tears, HERE]

I do not have the monopoly on depression, or on fighting it. And I don’t want to reduce this topic to a blog post – it is much more complex than that, there is more to say! But I do want to start the wheels of honesty turning. And I want you to know that if you struggle with depression, you are not alone.

Beclouded

 

Clouds are not permanent residents of the sky. Some move across the sky with visible speed, others seem to crawl or even not move at all...but always the wind is driving them, all that differs is the pace. Some day they give way to blue skies and golden sunshine.

Rainy season has arrived in Thailand. My heart too seems to be heavy with clouds, dark and ripe for rain. But watching the black clouds move steadily across the evening sky the other night my heart was filled with hope.

These clouds too will pass.

A walk down my street...

Continuing my theme of transition from life in Thailand to life back at home, I thought I would take a walk down my street today and take photos of the people/things that have become part of my daily life here in Thailand and that I am thankful for/will miss!

Lets go on a virtual tour of my 'soi' (street)!

This is the Youth House, where I live and work! On the left is my/our bike, to the right is P'Nok who lives at the YH and sells food out the front!

P'Nok making yummy food!!!!

This is the shop where we buy drinking water - that's what those big white bottles are! It is also my emergency 'milk for tea' stop if I run out of fresh milk!

A little bit further down the road you will meet this great little stall where you can buy a chicken an rice meal ('khao man gai') for 20 baht. If you get it to take-away it comes wrapped up in a paper package, like the Thai equivalent of fish and chips! The man who makes/sells it is really friendly, and I call him 'Khao-man-gai Man!' (Original!)

This is the bucket I walk past every day that is always overflowing with an unknown supply of water dripping from above! I only notice it because every time i walk past it my feet get a bit wet.

A bit further down you get to 7/11 - convenience store of all convenience stores! Not only can you buy microwave meals here, they microwave them for you! Not only can you buy sandwiches...they toast them for you while you wait! Not only can you buy packets of coffee....there is even an area of the store to add hot water and make it yourself!

After a quick stop in 7/11 (known as 'seven' by the locals!) to buy a chocolate milk, we come to the section of the street that I like to call the 'buzzing wires' part! This is because (you've guessed it...) these electrical wires that hang down continually make an alarming buzzing sound, so that when I walk past them I always instinctively find myself veering to the right to avoid them in-case I should walk into them!!

This is just a whistle-stop tour of the street I live in and the things I pass as I walk/cycle down it! These things have become so familiar to me, and I will miss them!

More crazy stationary

You just can't get stationary of this quality in the UK....

Note to self (2): things to appreciate about Thailand in the next month and a half before i leave...

• wonderful Thai friends
• the fact that it's almost always possible to get somewhere door to door by public transport! (and cool public transport at that!)
• 'Bum-sprays' (see HERE for a very important read about Thailand's alternative to loo roll - I'm just not sure how I'm ever going to feel clean again without one...!)
• being able to go outside in the dark and not feel cold AT ALL!
• the pace of life in Thailand and general laid-back-ness to everything!
• never having to cook! In particular I am going to miss MSG restaurant.
• being allowed to fit as many people as possible in a car (esp. pick-up trucks!)
• geckos
• singing in Thai
• availability of hilarious stationary - for example here and here and this:  

 

Thai Cultural Lessons #7 [Eating Out]

In Thailand eating out is the norm - hard to imagine in western culture where you only eat out on special occasions! This is because it is (a) cheaper to eat out and (b) easier to eat out.

I never need to cook a meal, EVER in Thailand. I could buy 3 meals a day at restaurants in my street and it would cost me in total no more than 60 baht (around 1 pound!).

So let me introduce you to two of my very own favourite locals.

Introducing...Sneezing Restaurant:

Features of sneezing restaurant:

• you are guaranteed to sneeze every time you go there, due to peppery things that are being cooked (presumably!?)
• when you put cold drinks in the plastic cups you get what I like to call the 'phenomenon of the dry-ice smoke-cup effect' (catchy!)
• when the restaurant is closed the tin roof folds down to become a door!

Introducing...MSG Restaurant: 

 Features of MSG Restaurant:

• The extreme amounts of MSG in the food make it very yummy!
• the lady who makes the food (called 'MSG lady') is very friendly.
• I do not have to order - I just go in and sit down, and MSG lady sees me and says 'your usual?' and starts getting it for me!
• Me and my Chinese housemates call this our 'second home' - going there is like walking into our own home!
• It is totally acceptable (in fact normal!) to just take your own plate over and get her to fill it up, then take it back home (just across the road) to eat! I LOVE that feature!

When Caroline was here (OMF colleague, now in UK on Home Assignment) we would usually take it in turns to go to sneezing restaurant (her fave) and MSG restaurant (my fave!) on alternate days. Despite the unfortunate sneezing side affect, I do agree that sneezing restaurant is probably better (meaning healthier), but MSG restaurant is just so yummy and friendly! I love it. I will miss it.

Note to self: remember to appreciate these things (for more than a day!) when I get back to the UK...

• friends and family
• being able to go through a whole day without sweating
• being able to understand more than 70% of what people say to me
• being able to read without the pages of the book being blown around by a fan
• bread for sandwiches which isn't sweet!
• church in English
• carpets and socks
• being able to walk places
• recognising most of the foods that I see in the supermarket
• baths

Happy New Year...(again!)

We've had the Western New Year and Chinese Year...now it's time for Thai New Year - Songkran!

This is one of the most interesting festivals in Thailand for foreigners, aside from all the deeper meaning (which is pretty much, as Christmas in the UK, hidden beneath the commercial and social aspect of the festival these days).

During these 3 days, you basically have 3 options:

1) Set up camp at the side of the road with a hose, water pistols or big tank of water (or all 3!) and throw water at passers by. Buy and mix up some lovely greyish paste to plaster on people's faces as they walk past (a sign of blessing...)

2) Get together with your mates and spend the days driving round in a pick up truck, with a big tank of water and water pistols and soak unsuspecting people on the roads, pedestrians, people on motorbikes etc.

3) Pretend the festival is not happening and try to get on with normal life without getting wet.

Last year I went out and played - and it was fun! This year however, I thought I would go for the the third option and try to avoid getting wet....it didn't work. This is what happened when Heather and I 'popped out' to find some food at lunchtime:

Reason to rejoice with ALL your heart!

  'Sing, O Daughter of Zion;

       shout aloud, O Israel!

       Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,

       O Daughter of Jerusalem!

  The LORD has taken away your punishment,

       he has turned back your enemy.

       The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;

       never again will you fear any harm.'

Zephaniah 3:14-15

I read Zephaniah recently and was just blown away by the grace and mercy that spill out of its pages. It is a story of Judah's rebellion and deserved judgment. Of Jerusalem's mess and corruption and God's just anger against them. And yet it doesn't end like that. Because much more importantly, it is about God. It is about a merciful God who does not treat us as our sins deserve. It is about a God who delights to save and who is mighty to save. And so even though things looked bleak for God's people at the beginning of Zephaniah, we see that God Himself provided the way for them to be saved: 'The Lord has taken away your punishment' (3:15)

The best thing about this book, is the way that it points forward to Jesus. In fact Jesus shines out of every chapter and floods the whole book with glorious hope and joy. There WILL be a day of judgment - and it is what we deserve, Zephaniah makes this plain, but on that day, if we are in Jesus, who is our righteousness,we will be sheltered from the LORD's just anger (2:3). Let us now make sure we are seeking Jesus and His righteousness, for this is all this is all that will matter on that day.

'The LORD has taken away your punishment' (3:15) - shadows that were received joyfully by God's people in the Old Testament give way to the reality as Jesus gloriously secured this for eternity. When Jesus took the judgment we deserve for our sin on Himself on the cross, sinless as He was,  the LORD took away our punishment. If we trust in Jesus, if we are in Him, sheltering in Him, then our punishment has been taken away. And so the promise applies to us:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing" (3:17)

And so, because we have such security in our forgiveness and acceptance from God, security that rests not on us or anything we have done or even how secure we feel, but in all that Jesus has done on our behalf - we have great reason to rejoice! And we can rejoice with ALL our heart (3:14) because our greatest problem is dealt with for all time, because this can never be taken away from us. Whatever else is happening in our lives, we can rejoice with ALL our hearts because our punishment has been taken away and God delights in us. And this is something that will never change.

 ' Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,

       O Daughter of Jerusalem!

  The LORD has taken away your punishment' (3:14-15)

"I have a shelter in the storm

When all my sins accuse me

Though justice charges me with guilt

Your grace will not refuse me

O Jesus, I will hide in You

Who bore my condemnation

I find my refuge in Your wounds

For there I find salvation"
('I Have a Shelter' - Sovereign Grace Music)

“God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”-

2 Corinthians 5:21